Abuse is not normal: don’t accept it

Look for the signs in an abusive relationship. Verbal, physical and emotional abuse cannot be wished away. Speak out about your dilemma to friends, relatives and organisations that will refer you to institutions where you can obtain assistance.
You may seem helpless and trapped but summon all the courage within yourself and take those integral steps that will save your life. Violence and abuse in a relationship is symptomatic of a disturbed and unstable mind which, once analysed, needs to be treated.
However this does not happen and instead of the problem being nipped in the bud it is allowed to fester until it rages out of control with devastating repercussions. A father drives into the bay with his children and recently a father clubs to death his wife and two children with a mace.
These acts, as revolting as they may sound, do not happen overnight. They are premeditated, planned and executed with precision. What kind of human can inflict so much damage to his own family without having any remorse for his actions? How many blows of the mace were needed to kill each person? Did the family not try to escape while being attacked or did they decide to fight together to the very end?
People in abusive relationships adopt the wait and see approach and have this fictitious hope that things will get better. Remember it never does. You are the only person who can change your circumstances in life. You are the master of your own destiny.
Break out of the shackles of an abusive relationship and escape as far as you can. You have been traumatised and abused so often that you have this false illusion that abuse is normal. Abuse is abnormal and an abnormal relationship cannot be called a relationship.
A stable relationship is based on love, care, understanding, honesty, empathy, compassion and an unrelenting feeling of helping each other to be the best in all facets of life. Continuous deviation from these attributes will mean the relationship is on the verge of a breakdown or has completely broken down.
Divorce is not socially acceptable and it stigmatises people, especially in the Indian community. Couples have this notion of living together for the sake of the children. Rather move out of a loveless relationship as this has too many negativities associated with it and in the long run it may also prevent you from being killed. That’s a reality we cannot avoid. Your precious life will depend on the decisions you make and how you act on those decisions. The power ultimately lies in the palm of your hands.
VIJAY SURUJPAL
Phoenix