Two Bits – 18 December 2015

One thousand million, six hundred thousand and nine Rand. Heh, heh, heh.
Actually, Mr President of the four wives, numerous girlfriends and a showerhead, the amount withdrawn from South Africa last Thursday and Friday was R169 billion. Because you fired Mr Nene, who for once was trying to do the right thing by stopping your lady friend at SAA from buying a new fleet of jets. For a moment it looked as though there was one person in the Cabinet who was concerned about you and your cronies spending state funds as though there was no tomorrow.
Certainly the world agreed that there might be no tomorrow. The world thought their money would be better off elsewhere, not invested in South Africa.
Many South Africans who thought this would remain their home, no matter what, must have pulled their passport out of the drawer over the weekend and looked at it, wondering if the time had come to pack for Perth. Your comment that your loyalty lies with the ANC first, South Africa second, was a lie. SA Inc figures nowhere in your strategy. You proved that you do not want people in your Cabinet who put SA Inc first. You only want yes-men who do what you want, for your personal gain.
Shame on you. The poor who the ANC professes to stand for, just got poorer. Capital will be more expensive to borrow, business will suffer, fewer jobs will be created. What a nice Christmas present for the country. Halala!
The phone at the Presidency must have rung red-hot, with everyone from your party executive to business leaders asking what the hell you thought you were doing firing Nene.
Re-appointing Pravin Gordhan to the finance ministry might, just might, restore some confidence in the country. But the world, and your citizens, are now suspicious of your motives. They will want proof that the same thing will not happen to Gordhan if he too tries to do his job properly.
In fact, the reality is that the world will not be comfortable until you are packed off to Nkandla to count your children. If you can.
The ANC sacked Thabo Mbeki when the job went to his head, but he was a saint and a mastermind compared to Zuma, the fool who masterminded the Guptas, Nkandla, a scandalous personal life and now this, the economy on the brink of collapse.
The time is long past due for #ZumaMustFall.

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Given the above, I hope that our festive season visitors will be able to put their worries aside and enjoy all that the Dolphin Coast has to provide.
The beaches are in good condition, the sea is clean (due to the lack of rain), the boardwalk is being fixed up courtesy of the new Urban Improvement Precinct and our many, many restaurants have been waiting patiently for you to put your feet under their tables.
There have been several tragic drownings this year, all at beaches where no lifeguards were on duty. Remember, only swim where the lifeguards can see you. They know what they are doing and will get you out of trouble. Stay calm at all times and the water will be your friend.
Second, as you all know, there is a drastic drought on. Water restrictions are in force. No washing of cars, no filling swimming pools or watering gardens, and generally use water sparingly.
Please save water – we have to live here until the rains come!

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This elderly man needed a small operation and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to receive the anesthetic he asked to speak to his son.
“Yes Dad, what is it?”
“Don’t be nervous, son, do your best and just remember, if it doesn’t go well, if something happens to me . . . your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife . . .”