Warning: Some readers may find this column to be offensive!
* Many people don’t believe it, but your horoscope (or star sign) can give you great insight into your day-to-day life, as well as your sexual prowess… or lack thereof. Find out if you’re a star or a ‘disastar’ in the bedroom:
SCORPIO (October 24 to November 22): The Bedroom Freak – This love ’em and leave ’em leg-humper is the horn-dog of the zodiac. Their magnetism and sexual skills are irresistible. They are notoriously jealous, so be ready to commit.
SAGITTARIUS (November 23 to December 22): The Don Juan or Juanita – This happy-go-lucky zodiac sign is incredibly broad-minded about sex. They love having multiple partners and are drawn to foreign accents, so start working on your fake accent today.
AQUARIUS (January 20 to February 19): The Toy Collector – They are not shy about their fetishes and quirky bedroom tendencies, and are almost sure to have a box under the bed filled with every sex toy imaginable. Don’t hold back, and be willing to let your freak-flag fly wild.
PISCES (February 20 to March 20): The Slippery Fish – This water sign loves being nurtured and will reward your efforts. They’re emotional and relish the connectivity of sex above the act itself. Be careful how you cast your net to snare this confused slippery fish.
ARIES (March 21 to April 20): The Fire-Starter – Sex is a competitive sport for Aries and they start fights for make-up sex. They will take you to the moon and back during sex. Lure them into bed with earlobe nibbles or pick a fight with them.
TAURUS (April 21 to May 20): The Sex Addict – This aggressive bedroom aficionado is an outstanding kisser. They use all five senses and are all about the pleasure principle, including long, mind-blowing foreplay. Prepare a meal layered with textures, flavours and aromas.
GEMINI (May 21 to June 21): The Sexy Chatterbox – If dirty talking gets your engine humming, then Gemini is the person for you. You better enjoy loud sex in strange places, with a high risk of getting caught.
CANCER (June 22 to July 22): Sensual Cry-Baby – Prepare yourself for a sensual ride and some post-coital crying. Cancer appears tough on the outside, but once you get a taste, it’s deliciously addictive. Cancer loves to be dominated and will go along with anything you suggest, the kinkier the better.
LEO (July 23 to August 23): The Wild Narcissist – If it’s from behind and there are mirrors on the walls and ceiling, they’re in their element. They are loud and the neighbours will hear. Remember that their backs are their weak spot.
VIRGO (August 24 to September 22): The Considerate Crook – They may be known as ‘The Virgin’ in the zodiac, but they’re skilled lovers all about their partner’s sexual pleasure. But be warned! Ruled by Mercury, the god of thieves, Virgo will steal your heart along with your wallet and car keys. Get ready to be handcuffed to the bed and taken to new heights.
LIBRA (September 23 to October 23): The Unselfish Lover – Known as ‘The Scales’, Libra is all about meticulous balancing acts. They’re great at sex that’s measured, so both partners get equal enjoyment. You need to be adventurous and prepared to have sex in a restaurant bathroom, or oral under the table.
CAPRICORN (December 23 to January 19): The Forgettable Fling – You won’t remember anything Capricorn does to you sexually, because they’re the most boring lovers in the world. Expect to do all the work in bed. They have the adventure and energy of a slug, so if quickies turn you on, then marry a Capricorn and call it a day.
