… then it came to pass that old Father Christmas fancied Nando’s

… And then it came to pass that Father Christmas, his toy-makers, the reindeer and a couple of hangers-on, all decided to lay down their hammers, nails, glue, Chinese iron and steel, and, instead light a Camel or two and order copious amounts of Nando’s from the franchise in Greenland.
“Put it on Endumeni’s bill,” quipped a particularly foul-mouthed elf, named Pepper Minstix, “those okes are pretty dumb down there – they buy anything… tell them it was for the struggle to make toys.”
Prancer shot through the invoice with a press of an antler on the huge computer, which Father Christmas used to monitor the world’s children’s activities over the past year.
“Hee hee – R52 200 – that should get them spluttering in their glasses at the Donga,” smirked the naughty Pepper Minstix, helping himself to a pack of Dullah’s made in Pakistan.
Father Christmas was not impressed – after a brief hearing he slapped the foul-mouthed one with a suspension letter – even though there was no quorum. He ordered Rudolf to chase out a few more elves too and then sent a memo informing his crew of an ice Imbizo to ‘brain storm new Christmas presents’. Alabaster Snowball, he who is privy to the naughty and nice list, came around looking glum and tapping a clipboard.
“Tut tut, there are not many Councillors or officials who are on my list this year… besides a whole host of those who have been suspended there is a whole lot who are not just up to it…. reckon we are in for a saving this year, Nick,” he said in his dull voice.
“Hmm, I see there is a special going on acting classes – let’s send a few to that confounded Endumeni place – apparently their municipality has more actors than Bollywood,” said Father Christmas. Prancer and his crew also had concerns. “Thank goodness Christmas Day is on a Thursday this year… I hate it when it is on a Sunday… Endumeni is terribly dirty – once Blitzen ate an old KFC packet by mistake that was blowing around outside Goodluck Supermarket … phew, we could not even see the pavement for the litter.”
Vixen remembered the time their flying sleigh almost came a cropper against the R2-million Mandela statue in front of the municipality.
“We did not realise that the statue was there – thank goodness we did not crash into Madiba as we simply do not have that kind of money to replace the statue…. We eventually parked behind the municipality where some protesters tried to puncture our bags containing the children’s Christmas presents – really, I am not sure if these people in Endumeni deserve Christmas..”
Then there was the time that a bunch of workers tried to beat up Father Christmas who managed to dodge behind the fountain pool.
“Yes, it is not easy delivering presents to Endumeni – we do it for the sake of the children – but as for the adults – well, really – we would rather deliver to the Ukraine,” sighed Donner.