Queuing up is an art if you have the time and the humour

Queuing has always been considered an intrinsically British thing. On that Fair Isle they seem to queue for everything.
They queue to catch a glimpse of the Royal family, queue up to watch a football match in the pouring rain and generally queue to queue. Everyone is patient and the hardship endured with typical British humour. In Dundee, things are slightly different. Queuing is not that much fun even if the weather is considered to be ‘better’.
Pension payout day is usually the day to dodge your grocery shopping. If you have to sally forth into the maelstrom, you need to take with a dollop of patience.
People tend to stop in mid-aisle with their laden trolleys – six abreast – and have long chats, oblivious of your desperate attempts to reach out for one milk sachet.
Then you have the cellphone people who shout into their devices all the while you are grappling with the pesky bread slicing machine.
When you have finally bulldozed your way to the front, choosing your cashier is vital if you want to be out of the shop before the next rates hike.
If you queue up behind a till with mainly black folk in the queue you must be prepared to wait. Black shoppers buy more and their shopping takes longer to process.
If you join a line mainly with white folk, although their baskets (not trolleys) are lighter, it doesn’t mean the line will move any faster.
Whites, especially the ladies, tend to find fault with stuff: the queue, the prices, the weather and the talk holds up things. Sometimes they get impatient and jettison their groceries in the sweet counter.
A queue with mainly Indian folk can also be a long-winded one. They tend to haul out sheaves of papers they say are vouchers and discount coupons. Sometimes they also have other cards that confuse the cashiers.
So choose your line with care. Home Affairs queues are rather gloomy. The wait is longer and the humour distinctly lacking. And who can blame them?
They are only there because some has died, or they have lost their ID, or are getting married…