Living with the pain of loss

Madam – Living with loss.

What makes a person decide to pick up a weapon and commit a crime? What goes on in the mind of a criminal? Is it just a game for them?

Do they have the urge to see other people suffer, or do they want other people to experience the pain they once felt? Why do they only think of themselves when they want to hurt someone?

What about the family and loved ones of the victim? Doesn’t it matter if their hearts are ripped out of their chests?

Criminals only see the victim in front of them and don’t care about the ripple effect they will cause once they have done the damage. There’s nothing as painful as losing a loved one.

All you have left are the memories. Nothing can take memories away, but being able to say goodbye first would just be so much better. Once you get bad news, you always think; ‘I didn’t even get the chance to say goodbye.’ The memories and love you felt for that person are all one can treasure.

5 January 2010 – Rasidi Ismail killed his grandparents, his sister and father. His father’s head was found at a muslim cemetery and the headless body was found at the grandparents’ house.

4 May 2015 – Jayde Panayiotou’s (aged 29) husband hired four men to have her killed. Her body was found dumped outside Uitenhage the day after she went missing from her home.

3 May 2015 – Taxi owner, Khuzi Hanson Khumalo, aged 60, was shot and killed in the yard of his premises.

16 February 2016 – Sifiso Mthethwa was stabbed to death in his home in Glencoe.

16 February 2016 – A youngster (unknown) aged between 20 and 21 years, was found tied to a tree by his legs with multiple gunshot wounds in the Nkande forest, near Nquthu.

It’s an ongoing list of crimes and murders. Some are committed by people you are supposed to be able to trust in your community, and others are committed by people you thought as your family.

How could you possibly pick up a weapon and threaten to kill your mother, father,sister, brother or even wife or husband? What were they thinking when they said an oath to love and cherish their better half? Were they standing infront of the priest saying:

“I, (groom/bride, full names and surname), take you, (groom/bride, full names and surname), to be my friend, my lover, the (mother/father) of my children and my (husband/wife). I will be yours in times of plenty and in times of want, in times of sickness and in times of health, in times of joy and in times of sorrow, in times of failure and in times of triumph. I promise to cherish and respect you, to care and protect you, to comfort and encourage you, and stay with you, for all eternity…….until I kill you?”

Dealing with loss is never easy, but you have to know there are people out there you can lean on and talk to; people who love you and don’t want to see you hurt and struggling with your inner feelings. Let go and let God. Through prayer you can overcome any obstacle!

Although it’s difficult today to see beyond the sorrow, may looking back in memory help comfort you tomorrow. – Author Unknown

Although it feels like your world has fallen apart and there’s no need for you to go on, put a smile on your face and be strong and only move forward without looking back!

“No longer forward nor behind

I look in hope and fear;

But grateful take the good I find,

The best of now and here.”

– John G. Whittier

Take a moment of everyday to think of that person and remember the good and the…not so good memories you’ve shared. Think of what made that person so special and unique in your life. Think of it, appreciate it and let it go, don’t hold onto it. Find other things to keep your mind busy and active so you don’t go into a state of depression.

When you get home you can pick a small spot somewhere in the house where you can light a candle in remembrance of that person.Who says you should only light a candle when another year comes and goes of that person’s death?

Lighting a candle will ease your soul and you will feel as if that person is still there with you. Communicate with that person. Tell them how your day was and tell them all your problems.

They will listen and your problems and secrets will be safe with them.

Don’t be sad because that person is gone. Be happy and motivated the person is keeping a spot just for you. Where they are now is a much better place!

Don’t break yourself emotionally down and become scared of the world. If you don’t stay strong, fear will find a gap in and take over your life. We can’t live in fear.

We can’t live hiding away from the world just because there are bad guys out there. If you live in fear and hide away, it’ll only show the ‘bad guys’ that they have won.

They have accomplished what they’ve wanted and they will feel in control. Keep your head up high and show them no matter how many blows life swings your way, you will take it like a man and get back up!

Shoot for the moon, even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.

Lisa Perrins