When I found out I was pregnant I went all gooey and soft, my eyes shone and there was very little that could burst my happy bubble. Being a mother, something I had never really thought of, was suddenly the only thing I had ever wanted to be.
But life needs balance, so with the good there had to come something bad.
With pregnancy, and later with parenthood, came all the unwanted advice, horror stories and criticisms.
I couldn’t turn my big belly in any direction without bumping into at least one ‘pregnancy expert’ who would tell me what to do, what not to do and what to expect during my pregnancy and labour.
Some told me that I ‘must’ have a natural birth (which I had already decided on anyway), others said that C-section was best (just because it worked for them), and so on and so forth. I got enough advice to write a really bad book.
The strangest part was that I didn’t even know most of these experts that kept giving me advice.
Not much has changed on the advice front over the past two years.
Since having my baby just over 16 months ago, I have noticed that almost everyone considers themselves a parenting expert and believe that they know what is best for my child.
Before I became a parent I constantly heard people complain about the criticisms and advice they received from others concerning their children.
The central theme in these complaints were: “who did people think they were telling them how to raise their own children?”
It was only when I became a parent that I realised why my eldest sister often told me off for criticising her and why parents complain about all the people who stick their noses into their business.
People who are not parents, those who were parents some time during the dark ages and people who have never even been in close contact with children all seem to know your child’s needs better than you, the mother or father of the child.
There were times I, who rarely cries over trivial things, could be found crying on my mom’s shoulder because these people made me feel like a bad mother (the hormonal changes after the pregnancy could have had some role to play here).
Since her birth, my baby has been a happy child and she is always smiling and laughing. Her clinic nurse and paediatrician are happy with her growth and development and she is generally a very healthy baby.
She reached her milestones well in time, clapping her hands months before babies are normally expected to do this, and at 16 months she can already string two to three words together.
But despite this, people still find room to criticise me and my husband.
We aren’t feeding her enough (when she had tonsillitis and she didn’t want to eat).
We are feeding her too much (when she pigged out a bit after not eating for a few days due to her sore throat).
She isn’t dressed warmly enough (even though her cheeks are rosy and she is trying to pull her top off herself as she gets hot very quickly).
We should get her used to our routine and not plan our lives around her (whatever!).
My sister, whose eldest son is 12, says that I can look forward to many, many more years of this and my mom adds that, although the amount of criticisms and advice become less over the years, it never actually ends.
Their advice to me, and to other parents in this position, is to just ignore it.
No one knows your child like you do. And no one knows what your child’s needs are like you do.
Unless you are abusing your child, then no one can tell you how to do your job as a parent.
