Hein Kaiser
Journalist
3 minute read
5 Jan 2022
12:59 pm

Three sex questions you should ask your partner for orgasm success

Hein Kaiser

Success between the sheets is dependent on good communication.

Picture: iStock

Whether it’s a one-night stand or a life-long relationship, there are always burning sex questions in the back of your mind that people wish they had asked their partners.

And it’s not just about understanding someone’s prior sexual history, but importantly, finding and using a line of positive and sexy communication to enhance your relationship, drive fantasy and play, and grow a deep sexual bond between two or more people.

Whether or not you like the answers, use your imagination, and make love while the sun shines. And make it bright.

How does it feel?

We all know what it feels like when on the receiving end during a session of heavy petting, or the full monty. But few have really considered the impact of our own personal technique or playtime moves on our partners.

Oral sex in particular can be a tricky one.

UK website Metro recently asked women what it feels like when receiving oral sex. Importantly, as one woman pointed out, it’s not just about diving in and going for it, so to speak, but foreplay and touching is as important during cunnilingus as at any other stage of play.

Another described the moment as a build up of waves of pleasure that are eventually released, making the whole body shiver. Good oral sex is like nothing else, was the consensus.

For men, it seems that a good service down under can be better than sex, too. Many describe it as a feeling or warmth and tingly-ness in a very sensitive area, where hands, tongue and lips can move in unison to deliver unimaginable pleasure. Men have also said that a good bit of fellatio communicates a sense of tenderness and intimacy that normal sex just does not do.

ALSO READ: Scientists discover brain region that responds to clitoris

Have you ever?

It’s more than a naughty drinking game, but a great tool to nurture communication between sexual partners in a fun, non-committal way.

By asking the question, and adding the activity at its end, and a few glasses of bubbly in-between, bank the secrets you learn and build up an arsenal of sexy time fun. Remember not to rely simply on what your partner has done in the past, but pay careful attention to the ‘no, but it sounds interesting’ comments that may give a lot of direction for imagining, and having, future adventures together.

Paired Life, a couples site, has laid out the rules of engagement, different types of ‘Have You Ever’ games, as well as a long list of questions you can refer back to if you get stuck.

Ask your lover about previous sexual experiences, when they had their best orgasm ever, whether or not they touch themselves and how often, or simply start exploring fantasies under cover of a fairly benign question mark. And you can play this game over and over again, with intensity growing as your sexy time evolves.

What turns you on?

It sounds like a straightforward question, but is it?

Sometimes people have no idea what could inject sexier into their lives beyond the scope of existing experience. Asking probing questions or using fun tools like sexting can become an equally important tool to understand your partner as it is to know what your loving makes them feel between the sheets.

Does the idea of your partner secretly taking off their undies at work, and sending you the pictures, turn you on? Or does your lover enjoy erotic fiction?

Would he, she, or they like to be caught masturbating and, if that happens, what would the next steps be? WhatsApping video clips or nude pictures to one another, is that a turn on?

Remember that it is not an interrogation, but a gentle probe between lovers that reveal the most intimate secrets that you want to know. Turn it into a game that you both can play, and make sure that it’s a safe space for honesty where sharing occurs without negative consequences.