How to have closer friendships
In groups of adults, you often hear some form of this complaint: It’s hard to make friends as an adult. Here are three techniques to try.
Picture: iStock
1. Create a foundation of security. (Hint: Answer that text.)
Before we can attempt closeness, we need to have security. Through his research, Dr. Levine has identified the five foundational elements of secure relationships.
— Consistency (Do these friends drift in and out of my life on a whim?)
— Availability (How available are they to spend time together?)
—Reliability (Can I count on them if I need something?)
— Responsiveness (Do I hear from them on a consistent basis?)
— Predictability (Can I count on them to act in a certain way?)
2. Pay close attention.
The next step of creating close friendships is to just open your eyes. Humans have a unique ability to read emotions by mimicking subtle facial expressions. This mimicry helps us empathise with the emotional experiences of the other person. The next time you’re with a friend who is sharing something about his or her life, Dr. Johnson suggested that you look that person in the face and give your full attention. This will create a psychological sense of connection.
3. Let yourself be known.
If you want to be seen for who you are, you have to be willing to stop pretending to be somebody cooler or smarter than you are. Admit that you binge watch “Honey Boo-Boo,” are jealous of other people’s accomplishments or don’t always brush your teeth before bed. Make that goofy joke. Share that less-than-flattering detail.
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