Spank-less job: Three ways to spare the rod and save your child

The debate on how to discipline your toddlers continues. An article published a few months ago on Fatherly raised the topic of how to discipline children, particularly how spanking can impact on developing little ones,

According to a 2019 study conducted by a team of researchers at the University of Michigan, where Dr Andrew Grogan-Keylor contributed, spanking or hitting children as a technique for discipline is still a no-no.

In fact, the study – which examined over 2,200 families – showed that violence only begets violence as toddlers who were aged between one, three and five showed violent behaviour when spanking was used by parents as a means of discipline.

Keylor told Fatherly: “One of the theories is that when raising kids, we teach them how to deal with conflict and how to respond if people are not doing the thing you want them to do.”

In a nutshell, you are teaching children that the only way to deal with conflict is to “hit people”.

Developmentally, using this kind of force on children also impacted on how the brain developed.

A study from Harvard University showed the brains of children who had been spanked were altered in the regions meant to regulate emotional responses and social information processing.

And, if that wasn’t enough to deter you from raising your hands to to discipline your toddler, in South Africa – on 18 September 2019 – spanking, hitting, beating or any physical punishment to discipline children became outlawed and the Constitutional Court of South Africa ruled that corporal punishment in the home and at schools is illegal.

Aside from the legalities, brain and social development, as a parent it just makes you feel bad. So what other techniques can you use?

These tips take practice but will see better discipline and do not leave lasting effects on their development:

ALSO READ: When does the ‘mom guilt’ go away?

Plan ahead

Sure, toddlers are unpredictable but for the most part you know what your day is going to be like, whether it is working from home or going out for the day, so the best way to help your little beans along is to plan for the day ahead and pre-empt certain behaviours were they may feel bored, tired or need a distraction.

Do you have their favourite toy ready? Are dangerous things put away? These are ways of preparing. According to an article in Today’s Parents, being prepared may help circumvent bad behaviour all together.

Distraction

Toddlers are constantly exploring so climbing up things that they shouldn’t be or pulling on things only fuels their curiosity but if it endangers them then using distraction is another way to help refocus their attention.

For example, an article on Healthline recommends telling them “no”, calling their name and then redirecting their attention to something else.

Ignore

If the behaviour does not bring them harm then ignore it. It will save you the frustration too. Spilt milk, tipping things over on a loop, running up and down – go inward, mom, and just ignore.

Research by the US’s Center for Disease Control shows that ignoring your child’s behaviour takes the attention away from bad behaviour and shows that it will not be tolerated. This works well for whining, tantrums and interrupting.

It’s a great way to discipline toddlers.