Your relationship, your rules! We all have different ways of expressing love, so it is important to understand your partner and how they show you love.
Valentine’s Day is around the corner. In our series of love notes from romance novelists, Soweto-based author Lebo Mazibiko shared her thoughts on exactly the same questions posed to other writers.
Mazibiko’s latest, Fabrics of Love, tells the story of a family shaped by history and the private battles that infiltrated their home. After forced removals in the 1950s, Lemohang and Fumane Ntoi rebuilt their lives in Meadowlands, Soweto, turning to education and their faith to steady their household and raise their children, Buang and Seun.
But stability was fragile. Fumane’s death left Lemohang carrying grief he did not know how to name or deal with, along with a strained relationship with his daughter.
Then, the book tells of the third generation of Ntoi women circling the ageing father. As Lemohang tries to preserve his idea of family and tradition, the young women in his orbit bring their own will, questions and desires. Their presence tests old beliefs about culture, legacy, love and marriage.
Through characters Prettygirl, Rosemary and Moipone, the story traces how modern choices rub against inherited nuance. Then there are the secrets, the kind families keep to protect themselves, until those same secrets threaten to undo the very fabric holding them together.
It’s a narrative that every South African will resonate with.
Valentine’s Day is all about Cupid and flowers, but is it still relevant today?
We are undoubtedly living in the Bridgerton era, where Cinderella stories are making a comeback. I think people have been dealing with a lot of challenging situations socially, personally and professionally, and what they are really looking for is a soft landing.
Love should not feel like a struggle, and it should not be difficult. People do not want to be slaying dragons out in the world and still have to fight at home. I think people want to experience love that is safe and gentle.
There is a lot of pressure around Valentine’s Day to be romantic in the way that marketing campaigns tell us to be.
Your relationship, your rules! We all have different ways of expressing love, so it is important to understand your partner and how they show you love. It is also a good idea not to pay too much attention to social media – you don’t need that kind of pressure!
Also Read: 7 sexy tips to make this year’s Valentine’s Day memorable
If Valentine’s Day were a chapter in one of your novels, what tired cliché would you leave out and why?
The red roses that have money stashed in them. It just feels very ego-driven – which serves you as the person who is giving the gift – rather than it being about showing the other person (the recipient) how much they mean to you.
Do you think people get relationship and intimacy “advice” from romance novels?
Absolutely! As little girls, we read about a knight in shining armour and have been dreaming of our happily ever after ever since. I think as women we’ve formed some of our concepts around romance based on what we’ve read – I’m not too sure about the men, though.
Has the way you write about desire and romance changed as conversations around consent and pleasure changed?
I definitely write about rebellious women. These are characters who make their own rules and challenge religious and cultural norms that have previously muzzled women. I write a lot about sexual violence and the various ways it shows up in relationships. A lot of women are violated by their intimate partners, and many people are still not clear about what consent actually is. Such themes, as well as the representation of women is important in my work.
What does romance look like today compared to, say, a decade ago?
Romance today looks like shared responsibilities and finding ways to lighten your partner’s load, especially around the household. It is doing things like cooking together. Romance is also much simpler than it used to be. We don’t always need to buy flowers or go to a fancy restaurant. We can simply stay home, get pizza and wine, cuddle on the couch, and binge-watch a really dope series.
Now Read: When divorce turns toxic… Love, money and the War of The Roses
