Behind every alcohol addiction is a family navigating uncertainty, heartbreak and, sometimes, the chance to heal.
Picture: iStock
Alcohol dependence not only affects the person who is doing the drinking. Partners, parents and children often live with the uncertainty of whether the person they love will come home safely after a binge, seek help or continue drinking.
A professional, who asked to remain anonymous, said his relationship with a woman living with alcohol dependence exposed him to the emotional and practical consequences addiction can have on people closest to the person drinking.
A relationship changed by addiction
He also saw that recovery is possible. He met the woman in his 20s and soon fell in love.
Although she worked as a stripper, he said that never defined her. The drinking was not immediately obvious.
During the first year or two of their relationship they enjoyed life together. But, as his career began taking off, her circumstances remained unchanged.
She became unhappy with her work, felt trapped and gradually started drinking more heavily.
“She didn’t want to be a stripper any more, but she couldn’t see another way forward,” he said.
“The drinking became more and more. She started going out on her own a lot more frequently and coming home drunk. She was drinking at home, drinking at work and arriving home from work intoxicated.”
The turning point
The seriousness of the problem became apparent one New Year’s Eve when she failed to come home after work, before the celebration.
He went out looking for her and found her unconscious on a pavement near their apartment.
“That was when I realised there was a real problem,” he said.
The following day she acknowledged that she needed help and contacted Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). Recovery was not easy.
“She was supposed to go to her first meeting but she ended up in a bar instead,” he said. “Eventually I started taking her to AA twice a week. Sometimes I’d wait outside, sometimes I’d go in with her. I wanted to support her.”
For about six months, her drinking remained under control before she relapsed the following New Year’s Eve.
By then the addiction had cost her her job and left him supporting the household financially while also dealing with the uncertainty that accompanied her drinking.
“When you leave for work, you don’t know where they’re going to be when you get home, or whether they’re even going to be there,” he said.
Recovery offers a second chance
After another night of heavy drinking, he contacted her sister to collect her. She entered a rehabilitation centre shortly afterwards.
It was the last time they saw each other for several years. They met again in Cape Town about five years later.
By then, she had remained sober, become engaged and rebuilt her life.
“She apologised to me,” he said. “I’d already forgiven her. I told her the only way she could make things right was to make a success of her life.”
She went on to marry and raise a family.
“There’s always a way out and there’s always a way to recover,” he said.
- Need help with a drinking problem? Call the South African Depression and Anxiety Group‘s 24-hour helpline on 0861-435-722
