Pump that deflates my personality

There was a time when I had a personality. Preferences. Spontaneity. A willingness to “quickly pop out” for something.

That person is gone. In her place now stands someone who calculates kilometres like a war strategist and treats the petrol gauge as a personal attack.

Every time fuel goes up, something inside me goes down. I start saying things like “I actually have enough food at home”, with the conviction of someone who has just no energy or money to drive around.

Takeaways become a reckless financial decision. A casual drive? Absolutely not. That’s the kind of behaviour that leads to long-term consequences.

My entire identity began to shift. I became someone who enjoys staying home. Not because I want to, but because I must.

I start describing myself as “lowkey” and “simple,” as if it’s a lifestyle choice and not a direct response to the petrol price.

Friends invite me out. “Come for coffee.” I calculate silently. Distance. Traffic. Idling at robots. That one uphill stretch that drinks fuel like it’s free.

“I’d love to,” I say, lying with grace, “but I’m just … enjoying quiet time at home these days.” Quiet time. Also known as: I cannot afford this friendship right now.

Even my car has started judging me. It sits there under the carport, dusty and underused, like a gym membership I had high hopes for.

When I do start it, it feels like we both know this is serious. No joyrides. No detours. This is a direct mission “there and back”.

And don’t get me started on the latest fuel price hikes that seem out of control. I can only stand there and watch the numbers on the fuel pump climb faster than my blood pressure, while pretending I’m fine. But I’m not.

The worst part is how quickly we adapt. A month ago, I would’ve driven across town without thinking. Now I’m grouping errands like a logistical mastermind.

If it’s not on the route, it’s not happening. If you live “just around the corner”, we need to redefine what “corner” means.

At this rate, I’ll soon be hosting social events in my driveway. Bring your own chair and drinks. We’re not going anywhere.

So yes, the reality is that petrol prices and my personality are now deeply connected. I didn’t choose this simpler life. It was forced upon me … by a pump