carine hartman 2021

By Carine Hartman

Chief sub-editor


This world needs a queen

Not quite in Queen Liz’s tradition, but in my family we also don a crown – but only on your...


Not quite in Queen Liz’s tradition, but in my family we also don a crown – but only on your birthday. I wore mine last Friday, bought 10 years ago by the only daughter in the household who knows we all bow to her. Ours is sans the Cullinan diamond and held together by three extra pieces of wire a decade later, but what a crowning glory… I’ll call it more of a “Diana tiara”, looking at it draped around my bedside shade tonight. But it’s still humbly twinkling, thanks to the toothpaste and baking powder concoction Heloise’s ancient book…

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Not quite in Queen Liz’s tradition, but in my family we also don a crown – but only on your birthday. I wore mine last Friday, bought 10 years ago by the only daughter in the household who knows we all bow to her.

Ours is sans the Cullinan diamond and held together by three extra pieces of wire a decade later, but what a crowning glory… I’ll call it more of a “Diana tiara”, looking at it draped around my bedside shade tonight. But it’s still humbly twinkling, thanks to the toothpaste and baking powder concoction Heloise’s ancient book on cleaning tips taught me.

Not that I felt like a queen at all, crowned on my stoep on Friday lunchtime when we opened the first bottle. The real one died on me the day before – and I was devastated.

Yes, she was old and we “must expect it” but hell, Tuesday she receives the new British prime minister on her failing feet with a big smile and Thursday she’s dead? I’m not quite 96 yet and, believe me, have no fear of death in a bone of my aching body – but birthdays are so… yesterday at my age.

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Nearly like Christmas where I only “make a tree” and buy six presents for the grandchild who is visiting. It’s for children. They must celebrate. I’ve learned to celebrate life every day – or try to. But then I get some face-time with our family princess as the Friday sun sets.

And while we’re oeeing and ahhing over my tiara, my eye catches a new e-mail in my inbox: our uncrowned queen has bought me a two-week trip to the unfair Cape with its wind and storms, all expenses paid.

Read: we’re sharing her bed, she’s cooking and we’ll smoke together on her balcony. Not a “you need a holiday, Mommy”. I hear, just: “I miss you.” I cried unashamedly – just like a lonely Lilibeth did next to her Phillip’s coffin in the Abbey.

ALSO READ: Queen Elizabeth II undid colonialism

So to all you non-believing cynics spewing forth about colonialism and the monarchy: we need them. We need their pomp and ceremony. We need their wedding gowns; sumptuous gardens; castles. But we especially need their crowns. Because without that, how can I even be a queen for a day? Or crown our new queen?

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Queen Elizabeth II

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