BMW 320D M-Sport: Stress relief by sheer exhilaration

The average South African saloon car didn’t have much expectation propped against it when the luxury sedan segment gathered momentum in the mid-90s, particularly between Mercedes, BMW and later Audi.

As technology and luxury filtered down from upper market ranges down to the C-Class, 3-Series and A4, the race was on to see who could fit the best extras onto their models at the most attractive price, with each brand having a concentrated focus: Mercedes trumped luxury and space, BMW offered performance and handling while Audi served up reliability and build quality.

A saloon isn’t about showing off anymore with gadgets, however – it’s how these trinkets ease the strain of everyday life.

Picking up the kids, loading up the shopping and reversing into a parking space, sure – but what of sheer excitement?

What if stress relief took the form of a slap on the buttocks, rather than cushioning or warming of them?

BMW’s latest entry-level diesel 3-Series, breathed on by their in-house Motorsport division, is an engineering feat between the spectral opposites of comfort and sportiness: a maid who will do all the chores while flirting outrageously with the man of the house.

The model I’ve been given by SMG BMW is a 320d with an optional M-Sport package, awash with vernasca black leather and two sports seats with prominent side bolsters which are surprisingly tight against the back.

The driver-centric console has a tablet-style screen adjacent to a digital instrument display which houses the customary speed, temperature and fuel displays with an inset navigation graphic, so my attention need not stray to the centre monitor.

Controls are available at wrist length with my arm relaxed on the arm rest – the seating point for use of a wonderful ‘gesture control’ feature.

No need to search on the steering column or dash to adjust the volume, accept calls, change tracks or switch information displays – a flick of the hand or rolling of the fingers mid-air signals a 3D overhead camera to do it instantly without having to take your eyes off the road.

Kids making a racket? Turning at a busy intersection? Reversing while someone’s trying to call you? This trickery lets you swat it out the way like a gnat.

The sea of options around me are begging to be explored and driving the 3-Series seems intimidatingly encouraging, a bit like someone about to push me off a bungee-jump while reassuring me that everything is fine.

It’s only a mid-size saloon car with a diesel motor, but it feels uncannily racetrack-like and set-up like a stretched rubber band; press the Sport button alongside the shift-lever, and the dash transforms to a Motorsport paint scheme highlighting the speed and rev counter.

Apart from that, the rear of the car seems to squat down as the 8-speed auto shifts down a gear, keeping the car within the maximum torque band of 400Nm, and I get the feeling the car hints: are you ready?

Seeing a car in the morning has always been a deal-breaker for me.

How I feel preparing to drive it as the keys tinkle, and whether I’m tensing up in excitement or sighing disappointingly.

Opening the door and greeted by the sexy rear end of the 3-Series is a bit like an elevator door opening with the cute, spectacle-clad receptionist waiting to alight.

The twin exhaust pipes and bumper aren’t too far-fetched from the current M2, and the concave 19-inch alloys tuck into exaggerated brake discs.

I have to remind myself that this is, essentially, a family run about: a diesel family saloon with four doors, a large boot, an economical engine and an automatic transmission.

Twirling my finger around while the Harmon Kardon surround sound concerts through the seating, I feel like Prince is professing his love for me in the car while the sunroof pops open and the cool breeze smacks me in the face – I’m on my way to work, but I feel like I’m on holiday.

Even reaching work after some spirited driving is surprising, returning a mere 7.3 litres per 100km.

This precise model is available at BMW SMG in Ballito for about R690,000, has about 6000km on it and almost every conceivable extra imaginable.

Reverse cameras, suave interior blue lighting, Live Cockpit Professional, variable sport steering, M-Sport suspension and aerodynamic kit among a host of non-standard features – but even at a factory price of around R800,000 – I can’t fathom the mind of a person who looks at the concisely arranged scattering of comfort, performance, reliability and brand longevity available from BMW – then skives off to buy another Audi or Volkswagen.

Driving eccentrically in a diesel Mercedes or Audi feels almost awkward – you know you could, in the same way Ramaphosa could do the funky chicken – but it just doesn’t feel right.

In the BMW, however, you can take the kids to school, cruise to your business meeting, pick up the shopping and still drive home like you’ve forgotten to switch off the iron.

Stress relief by reminding you you’re in control, when nothing else is.

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