The most memorable disagreements in our marriage have been over footwork.
Barely six months after declaring love forever and tying the knot, we walked from Port Edward to Port St Johns for a lark. Day One we battled into a strong headwind and before long, Rose was half a kay behind. I waited for her – one Brownie point – then spoiled it by saying: “Rose, you’re just not trying.”
She turned around and began marching back to Port Edward. I had to apologise profusely, beg, make all sorts of unspeakable promises, before she relented. Diplomacy 101 for newlyweds: Engage brain before opening mouth. Down ten zillion Brownie points.
Then a long time back, maybe 20 years ago, we took up ballroom and Latin dancing with the excellent Ken Mann and Jayne Wilson. All the gang were there: Andre and Lorna, Mervyn and Yvonne and many others. Well, dancing is not as easy as it looks. In fact, it’s downright difficult. Not only do you have to remember all those steps, you have to know what you want your partner to do as well. And here’s the bit we had most trouble with: I had to lead.
My wife is no shrinking violet (of course not, she’s a rose!) and while she was prepared to be led, I had to do it right. I have trouble tying my shoes, so I’d forget the footwork, she’d shove me in the right direction and, well, it went downhill from there. We’d end up snarling, which is hard to do with lips in a thin line, turned up in a smile, because you didn’t want the other couples to see you were about that close to murder. I’m only joking.
Despite the theme tune of ‘Murder on the dance floor’, if you can overcome minor irritations, ballroom dancing is a great relationship builder.
Earlier this year my old friend GV Price invited me to join him at karate. As a teenager I was skinny and weak, so I lost a few playground fights. My dad wouldn’t agree to sending me to classes, but it’s always been on my bucket list and here was a chance to try.
Well, hey, karate is fun! And difficult! We train twice a week at Jane Gardner’s dojo at the old VCFA Hall in Umhlali and it’s one of the best sports I’ve encountered since stopping road running through knee injury.
Did I mention karate’s difficult? It’s easily as intricate as ballroom dancing, if not more so, because there is an enormous amount you have to remember about combined foot and arm movements. Controlled energy and explosive action, over and over until they become reflex movements. After half an hour on the floor you’re sweating buckets, easily as much as after a 10-kay run. I imagine boxing must be as rewarding. Friends who train at the boxing gym in Umhlali also report great progress in their levels of fitness.
Anyhow, when I do get lost halfway through a routine, y’know, standing there with a vacant look on my face wondering where the hell my feet go next, that I do miss, maybe a little bit, having a partner to whisper where to go next.
With all this talk of sports, very best wishes to all the guys and girls from North Coast clubs taking part in the Comrades Marathon this weekend. The beautiful weather we’ve been having promises a good outing, so just relax, go with the flow and enjoy being out in the enormous celebration of life that the Comrades is. May the road always rise up to meet you.
* * *
Two elderly ladies, Mabel and Evie, meet at a café for a nice cup of coffee and a cake.
After a while, Mabel peers closely at Evie and says, “Evie, it looks like you have a suppository in your ear!”
“What?”
“It looks like you have a suppository in your ear, Evie!” says Mabel a bit louder.
“Oh,” checks Evie, “you’re right! Drat, well, at least I know where my hearing aid is now.”
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