Warning: Some readers may find the content of this column to be offensive!
* 1. What is a four-letter word that ends in ‘k’ and means the same as intercourse?
2. What is it that a cow has four of and a woman has only two of?
3. What can you find in a man’s pants that is about six inches long, has a head on it and that women loves so much they often blow it?
4. What word starts with ‘f ‘ and ends with ‘u-c-k’?
5. Name five words that are each four letters long, end in ‘ u-n-t ‘ and one of which is a word for a woman?
6. What does a dog do that you can step into?
7. What four-letter word begins with ‘f’ and ends with’ k’, and if you can’t get one, you can use your hands?
8. What is hard, six inches long, has two nuts and can make a girl fat?
9. What four-letter word ends in ‘it’ and is found on the bottom of birdcages?
10. What is it that all men have one of; it’s longer on some men than on others; the Pope doesn’t use his; and a man gives it to his wife after they’re married? (Answers at bottom of column)
* Ikes and Mo were talking about Viagra. Mo had never heard of it and asked Ikes what it was for. “It’s the greatest invention ever,” said Ikes. “It makes you feel like a man of 30.” Mo asked, “Can you get it over the counter?” Ikes replied, “Probably – if you took two.”
* How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry it.
* What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A battery has a positive side.
* What are the three fastest means of communication? Internet, telephone, tell-a-woman.
* A couple attending an art exhibit were staring at a portrait that had them a little taken aback. The picture depicted three very black, very naked men sitting on a park bench. Two had black ‘tools’ and the one in the middle had a pink ‘tool’. As the couple were looking somewhat puzzled at the picture, the artist walked by and said, “Can I help you with this painting? I’m the artist who painted it.” The man said, “Well, we like the painting but don’t understand why you have three African men on a bench and the one in the middle has a pink ‘tool’, while the other two have a black ‘tool’.” The artist says, “Oh, you are misinterpreting the painting. They’re not African men, they are white coal miners and the one in the middle went home for lunch.”
* Items on a strip club menu: G-String Beans. Lap Dance Pudding. Naughty, Spanked Lobster. Fellatio Alfredo. New England Man-Chowder (made fresh daily in the VIP room). Silicon-Stuffed Breast of Chicken. Banana Cream Pies. Shish-K-Y-Bobs. Jiggly Puff-Pastries. Cameltoe Soup. Poached Salmon with a Lemon-Dildo Sauce. Hush Pussies. Short ‘n Curly Fries. Cooze Cooze.
* A man spent six hours in a bar before rolling home to his wife blind drunk. “Where have you been?” she demanded. “I’ve been to this amazing bar,” he slurred, rocking on his feet. “It’s called the Golden Saloon and everything there is golden. At the front there are two huge golden doors, the floors are golden and even the urinals are golden.” “What rubbish,” snapped the wife, “I don’t believe a word of it.” “Here,” said the husband, rummaging in his pocket for a piece of paper, “Ring this number if you don’t believe me.” So the following day she phoned the number on the slip of paper. “Is this the Golden Saloon?” she asked. “It is,” replied the bartender. “Tell me,” said the wife, “do you have two huge golden doors at the front of the building?””Sure do,” said the bartender. “And do you have golden floors?” “Yes.” “What about golden urinals?” There was a long pause and then the wife heard the bartender yell: “Hey, Duke, I think I got a lead on the guy that pissed in your saxophone last night!”
* Answers: 1. Talk; 2. Legs; 3. a R200 note; 4. Firetruck; 5. Bunt, Hunt, Runt, Punt, Aunt; 6. Pants; 7. Fork; 8. Almond Joy candy bar; 9. Grit; 10. Surname.
