* Gleefully, I can pronounce: “I told you so!” Since its inception, I cast doubts over the practicality of the structure. The ‘Boxer bridge’ is a waste of money, time and effort. Why would pedestrians carrying loads of shopping bags and rushing to catch a taxi ascend so many stairs over such a large distance in order to cross a road? Any nincompoop would know that pedestrians subscribe to the theory that the shortest distance between two points is a straight line! For once, the local municipality cannot be entirely blamed. Lyell Street is part of the N11 and thus falls under the jurisdiction of SANRAL – another bunch of blood-sucking mafiozi. As if the e-Tolls are not a balls-up, towns are now subjected to poorly-planned, connection-called contracts. The ‘Limit Hill bridge’ too is another example of little or no proper survey done to ascertain pedestrian traffic flow. Aesthetically, both bridges look pretty, but effective? No, sir!
* The New Year was heralded in without the chimes of the Town Hall clock. The reason is due to our town fathers (and mothers) being fast asleep. The darn clock stopped working many months ago!
* There is much hoo-haa about the supposedly very good matric results. The pass mark is 30%. Are the results that good? In the kingdom of the blind, the one-eyed man is king!
* To those who successfully completed 12 years of schooling, I wish to advise the following: The road to success is never straight. There is a curve called Failure, a loop called Confusion, many speed bumps (sometimes referred to as calming devices) called Friends, red lights called Enemies (or distractions) and caution lights called Family. You are bound to have flat tyres called Jobs, but if you are equipped with a spare called Determination, an engine boosted with Perseverance and a driver named Willpower, then you will cruise to a destination called Success.
* The metallic effigies of Joseph Shabalala (of Ladysmith Black Mambazo fame) at the intersection of Short Street and Klipbank Road have dropped. Was it vandalism or part of a revamp? Some R27 million was spent to beautify the three main entrances to our town.
* Gogos in Mpumalanga have been snapping up free condoms from clinics to rub on their knees. The condoms have become so popular among pensioners that Mpumalanga Health & Social Development MEC Candith Mashego-Dlamini had to appeal to pensioners to stop taking them. “I heard that gogos are taking condoms from the clinics non-stop, believing that the jelly from the condoms will heal their knees,” she said at an ‘Outreach Towards 20 Years of Freedom’ event held near Hazyview in December. “We have sent the condoms to a laboratory to check if they heal your knees or not. If the results prove that they work, we will put the gel in small containers for you and make an announcement on radio,” she said. One 69-year-old woman from Mahushu, near Hazyview, said the condoms help ease the pain in her knees by providing warmth.
* Janice Lokelani Keihanaikukauakahihuliheekahaunaele was outraged by the Hawaiian authorities’ failure to recognise her full name on her driving licence. Mrs Keihanaikukauakahihuliheekahaunaele expressed her dissatisfaction with her licence, which failed to include the final letter of her last name and didn’t include her first and middle names at all. “The county has never accommodated my name on my driver’s licence,” she told a local television station, stating that the shortening of the name was “disrespectful to the Hawaiian people”. A spokesperson for the authorities said: “We have been made aware of that issue and I know right now they are working to extend that limit to, I believe, 40 characters so that the issue can be resolved.”
* A word of advice. Don’t broach the topic of soccer with Manchester United supporters. Not just yet. Talk cricket. Talk rugby. Talk Bat-a-Thon. Talk anything else, but United’s current form. We all are still in a state of shock and licking our wounds. Don’t add more salt, please!
