Part II:
In last week’s column about in-law criticism, I raised the possibility of changing your ‘in-law-situation’ by gently confronting the behaviours that cause you frustration.
For the majority of us who find it impossible to confront our in-laws on anything, another strategy might be in order. Again, start by looking at your own behaviour and response. In any given situation, you have a choice about how you want to respond.
Currently, you are stuck in a pattern of viewing their behaviour as judgemental, old-fashioned, negative, and most especially – aimed at you. This view causes you to feel hurt, irritated and judged whenever you think they act like this. In turn, this affects the way you act to them.
Try to consider other reasons or motives that lead them to act this way towards you. Maybe it’s because they care about your partner, or maybe they really do have old-fashioned ideas.
This has nothing to do with you as a person. So, take a load off. Choose to view their behaviour as well-meaning or a reflection of their ‘stuff’, and don’t take it on board as a judgement of you.
This shift in looking at the situation should change the way you feel and act the next time it comes up. It takes practice to separate other people’s ‘stuff’ from our own, but give it a go.
