At R2,5-million – the hottest statue in town

That the Madiba statue standing in front of the Kremlin is valued at R2,5-million is the best news of 2014 – and it is still only February.
This means that the concrete, steel and fibreglass structure is the hottest property in town. Funny that no one has bothered to steal it.
I mean, computers go missing from the Kremlin with gay abandon, so what is a statue?
What the municipality can do is probably auction said statue. With the millions earned, we could start paying off the municipal debt and the millions stolen from the electricity grid every month.
We could even install new parking meters, as the present ones are looking decidedly scruffy.
From there we could start putting up more statues – General Smuts, General Botha, Gandhi, struggle heroes and even an image of a municipal manager or two. (The sculptors will first have to check with the MEC to determine who exactly the municipal manager is on any given day.)
Imagine… Dundee could throw off its image as just a coal-mining town, and we could become internationally-renowned for exporting statues.
Picture the new brochure: Come to Dundee, the gateway to the battlefields, and witness first-hand our collection of very expensive statues to rival the collection at Madame Tessaud’s.
Madame may even put in a few orders herself.
What should happen of course is that statues of a Boer, Redcoat soldier and Zulu warrior be erected in front of the Kremlin. After all, these are the guys who made us famous.
The cost? Probably around R6-million, but it would be worth it from all the tourist Rands that will flow in.
The statues would have to be nailed firmly to the ground, as sometimes protestors outside the Kremlin start getting a bit tense and assaulting people – statues included.
I bet every tour guide would appreciate such a collection of statues, but the artists would have to very accurate with every detail as we know how pedantic our tour guides are.
Perhaps we could get Michael Caine to do the official unveiling – after all, it is the 50th anniversary of the release of the iconic movie, Zulu, that has done more to market the battlefields than anything else. And while we’re there, why not put up a statue of Michael Caine too?