Warning: Some readers may find this column to be offensive!
* The teacher says, “Okay, class, we’re going to play a game today. I want everyone to give me a sentence with the word ‘perhaps’ in it.” Claude says, “Perhaps if we are good, the teacher won’t give us any homework.” The teacher says, “Very good, Claude.” Mary says, “The sky is very dark… perhaps it’s going to rain.” The teacher says, “Very good, Mary.” She calls on little Johnny at the back. Johnny says, “Yesterday my sister and her music teacher both had their pants down to their ankles. Perhaps they were going to pee on the piano.”
* One day, the teacher decides to ask riddles. She says, “Okay, kids, I am thinking of something round and red”. Little Suzy pipes up, “I know, it’s a tomato.” “No, but you’re thinking. It’s an apple,” replies the teacher. So little Johnny stands up, places his hand in his pocket and says, “I’m holding onto something that is round, hard and has a head on it.” “Go to the principal’s office” says the teacher. “No, but you’re thinking,” says Johnny, “It’s a five rand coin.”
* In the science class, the teacher decided to teach about the elements. So she said, “Children, if you could have one raw element in the world, what would it be?” Yakoob raised his hand and said, “I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Porsche.” The teacher nodded and called on Yvonne, who said, “I would want platinum, because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Corvette.” The teacher smiled and then called on Johnny, who said, “I would want silicon.” The teacher asked, “Why, Johnny?” He responded, “Because my mom has two bags of it and you should see all the sports cars outside our house!”
* One day a guy noticed that he had a red ring around his tool and went to the doctor. The doctor gave the guy some cream and said, “If it doesn’t work, come back again tomorrow.” The guy went back to the doctor and said, “The cream you gave me didn’t work!” So the doctor gave him a different cream and said, “If that doesn’t work, come back again tomorrow.” So the next day the guy came back and said, “This stuff you gave me doesn’t work either.” So the doctor gave him some more cream and said, “If the red ring is still there, come back tomorrow.” The next day the guy came back and said, “The cream you gave me worked. What was it?” So the doc said, “Nothing special, it was just lipstick remover.”
* A little old man answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a very well-dressed young man in a navy-blue pinstriped suit, red silk tie, white shirt, shoes polished like black mirrors, and carrying a vacuum cleaner. “Good morning,” said the young man. “If I could take a few minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest high-powered vacuum cleaner.” “Get lost, Mister Fancy Suit!” said the old man. “I haven’t got any money,” and he proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his polished shoe in the door and pushed it wide open. “Don’t be too hasty!” he said. “Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.” The old man again told him to get lost. And with that, the young man emptied a bucket of mud all over the hallway carpet. “If this vacuum cleaner doesn’t remove all traces of this mess from your carpet, sir, I will personally eat the remainder.” “I have a better idea,” said the old man, looking the young man up and down “If you don’t clean it all up, I’ll swap those fancy clothes of yours for my overalls.” “Fine, sir!” said the young man confidently. “That fancy suit and tie are going to look good on me!” said the old man. “But take the shoes off first!” “But, sir, I haven’t demonstrated the vacuum cleaner yet!” “Yes you have. The electricity isn’t working!”
* Boobs ID: (o)(o) perfect; ( + )( + ) fake silicone; (*)(*) high nipple; (@)(@) big nipple; (o)(o) A-cups; { O }{ O } D-cups; (oYo) wonder bra boobs; (o)(O) lopsided; (Q)(Q) pierced; (p)(p) with hanging tassels; ( – )( – ) flat against the shower door; |o||o| android; ( o Y o ) poses for Playboy.
