Warning: This column may be considered offensive to some readers!
* A guy goes to pick up his date for the evening. She’s not ready yet, so he has to sit in the living room with her parents. He has a bad case of gas and really needs to relieve some pressure. Luckily, the family dog jumps up on the couch next to him. He decides he can let a little fart out and if anyone notices, they will think the dog did it. He farts and the woman yells, “Spot, get down from there.” The guy thinks, “Great, they think the dog did it.” He releases another fart and the woman again yells for the dog to get down. This goes on for a couple more farts. Finally, the woman yells, “Damn it, Spot, get down before he craps on you.”
* Different people-different farts: The vain person – One who loves the smell of his own fart. The amiable person – One who loves the smell of other people’s farts. The proud person – One who thinks his farts are exceptionally fine. The shy person – One who releases silent farts and smiles. The impudent person – One who boldly belts out a loud fart and then laughs. The unfortunate person – One who tries hard to fart, but craps instead. The scientific person – One who farts frequently in short spurts because he is concerned about the environment. The nervous person – One who stops in the middle of a fart.
* God calls Adam and says, “Adam, I have some good news and some bad news. What do you want to hear first?” Adam replies, “The good news.” God answers, “Well, the good news is I gave you a penis and a brain.” Then Adam says, “Okay, so what’s the bad news?” God says, “I only gave you enough blood to operate one at a time.”
* What’s the difference between a penis and a prick? A penis is fun, sexy and satisfying. A prick is the guy who owns it.
* A man is walking on the beach and comes across an old bottle. He picks it up, pulls out the cork and out pops a genie. The genie says, “Thank you for freeing me from the bottle. In return, I will grant you three wishes.” The man says, “Great. I always dreamed of this and I know exactly what I want. First, I want one million rand in my bank account.” Phoof! There is a flash of light and a piece of paper with account numbers appears in his hand. He continues, “Next, I want a brand new red Ferrari right here.” Phoof! There is a flash of light and a bright-red, brand-new Ferrari appears right next to him. He continues, “Finally, I want to be irresistible to women.” Phoof! There is a flash of light and he turns into a box of chocolates.
* A 65-year-old woman is naked, jumping up and down on her bed, laughing and singing. Her husband walks into the bedroom and sees her. He watches her and then says, “You look ridiculous! What on earth are you doing?” She says, “I just got my check-up and my doctor says I have the breasts of a 20-year-old.” She starts laughing and jumping again. He says, “Yeah, right. And what did he say about your 65-year-old ass?” She says, “Well, your name never came up.”
* What did the Easter egg say to the boiling water? It’s going to take awhile to get me hard, I just got laid by some chick!
* What happened to the Easter Bunny when he misbehaved at school? He was eggspelled!
* Did you hear about the lady whose house was infested with Easter eggs? She had to call an eggs-terminator!
* What do you call many rabbits marching backwards? A receding hareline.
* Do you know how bunnies stay in shape? Hareobics.
* What happened when the Easter Bunny met the rabbit of his dreams? They lived hoppily ever after!
* Who did the Easter Bunny appoint to write this column? Eggbal Khan.
