Warning: Some readers may find the content of this column to be offensive!
* What do a prossie and butter have in common? They both spread for bread!
* A woman is in bed having sex with her husband’s friend when all of a sudden the telephone rings. She answers and after hanging up, she says, ”That was Ikes, but don’t worry, he won’t be home for a while. He’s playing thunnee with you and the boys.”
* Why did the chicken cross the soccer field? He heard the ref was blowing fowls.
* Boss: Who said that just because I tried to kiss you at last month’s Christmas party, you could neglect to do your work around here? Secretary: My lawyer.
* A little girl cuts her hand on the playground and runs crying to the teacher. She asks the teacher for a glass of cider. “Why do you want a glass of cider?” the teacher asks. “To take away the pain,” sobs the little girl. “What do you mean?” the teacher asks. “Well, I overheard my big sister say that whenever she has a prick in her hand, she can’t wait to get it in cider.”
* Ted and Julie go to bed with each other for the first time. Julie: “I should warn you, Ted – I’ve got acute angina.” Ted: “Your boobs aren’t bad either.”
* What do you get with a corduroy condom? A groovy kind of love.
* A woman met a man at a club and went back to his place for sex. Afterwards, she said, “You must be a good dentist.” He replied, “How did you know I’m a dentist.” She said, “I didn’t feel a thing.”
* A lady walked into a dentist’s office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs. The dentist said, ”I think you have the wrong room.” ”You put in my husband’s teeth last week,” the lady said. “Now you have to remove them.”
* What do women and dogs have in common? They both love bones.
* A newlywed couple on their honeymoon prepare to see each other naked for the first time. The husband exposes his knotted and twisted feet. He explains, “I had tolio as a child.” The wife asks if he means polio and he says, “No, it only affects the toes.” He removes his pants and reveals deformed knees. He admits, “I had kneesles too.” The wife asks if he means measles and he says, “No, it only affects the knees.” Finally, he pulls off his briefs. In shock, the woman gasps, “Oh no, smallcox too!”
* A father has three daughters who are all getting married on the same day. He asks his oldest daughter, ”Who do you wish to marry?” She says, ”Father, I wish to marry the man with three dragons on his chest.” He walks over to his second daughter and asks her the same question. She replies, ”Father, I wish to marry the man with two dragons on his chest.” He then goes to his youngest daughter and asks her the same thing: ”Who do you wish to marry?” She replies, ”I wish to marry the man with one draggin’ on the floor!”
* One day, Ikes comes home and finds his wife doing a handstand, naked, against a wall. Shocked, he asks, “What are you doing?” She responds, “I know you can’t get it up, but maybe you can drop in.”
* A father, mother and son were in Cape Town and were going to visit Sandy Bay while they were there. They didn’t want the son to get a distorted view of beauty, so they told him, “The men with really big tools and the girls with really, really big boobs are all really, really dumb.” When they got to the beach, they split up. Later, the mother saw the son and asked where his dad was. The boy said, ”Well, the last time I saw him, he was talking to this really, really dumb blonde, and the longer they talked, the dumber he got.”
* What should you do if you come across an elephant? Apologise and wipe it off.
