Swimming in the Suarez Canal

So apparently one has a greater chance these days of being bitten by a football player than a shark. Especially in the Suarez Canal. 
The modern ‘gentlemen’s game’ has seen it’s share of controversy over the last few years, what with Zinedine’s head-butting and Robben’s diving ability and Luis’s taste for Italian. 
But is it any wonder, in these days of high-protein, low-carb diets for sport-stars, that Luis is running around taking nips of joint of shoulder of Chiellini? Perhaps his Incan heritage has left him with a taste for red squeezy juice? In this age when cannibalism is frowned upon, there is clearly still room for ritual sacrifice to the soccer gods.
Apparently Suarez’s excuse goes something like “I slipped and fell, and my mandible landed on his glenohumeral joint.” Ja sorry, say that again…? To paraphrase Shaggy: “He saw the marks on his shoulder (it wasn’t me), heard the words that I told him (it wasn’t me), heard the screams getting louder (it wasn’t me)…”.
Anyway, this World Cup has been a series of revelations. Such as the Colombians putting aside their national pasttime to play soccer. Also, the Ghanaians chartered a plane to fly three million in cash to the players. Internet banking revelation, anyone…?
Christiano Ronaldo’s team may also have had a revelation, if he’d spent more time practicing and less time doing dandruff adverts that is.
As for Tiki Taka, the Spanish may have been better off with a chikki tikka from Food Planet, at least they would have had full tummies on the plane home.
But back to our favourite cannibal, Luis. I reckon he’s on commission from his dentist, because he sure is proud of those chompers of his. Maybe instead of goal bonuses he gets a bonus for every ‘impression’ he makes. And if the photos are anything to go by, he sure does make an impression!Perhaps he enjoys eating Italian? There’s probably a shortage of that in Brazil, so let’s forgive the man for a little nibble straight from ‘the sauce’.