When Cupid’s bow breaks
“You never know how a teenager will react to a breakup. Psychological Therapist Juanita Marx gives parents advice on the best way to approach the situation
POLOKWANE – For those going through their first breakup this February, surviving Valentine’s month may feel like their toughest challenge yet.
For teenagers who are nursing a broken heart, it may feel like the end of the world, and according to Psychological Therapist Juanita Marx, getting through this period can be quite difficult.
“Whether they ended the relationship or have been dumped, one thing’s for sure: their world has completely stopped spinning. And now, it’s up to you to help them pick up the pieces and move on,” Marx told Review.
She said each teenager’s reaction to a breakup will be different and it is up to the parent to try and understand the feelings their children are experiencing.
“You never know how a teenager will react to a breakup. For some, it’ll seem like water off a duck’s back but others will really struggle to deal with it,” she said.
The most important thing to do, said Marx, is to take a step back and decide on the best way to approach the situation by analysing their child’s response to the break-up. Be careful not to react with judgment as this may make the situation worse.
“There’s no right or wrong here. Regaling them with stories of your own past heartbreak should be avoided. This is your teen’s time to talk,” she advised.
Marx said the best thing to do is to listen and not take sides.
“Taking sides, even your child’s side, might make your son or daughter angry and defensive of the very person who’s caused the hurt, this will make you the wrong one and the enemy,” she said.
She said that if a child does want to talk, parents should get them to talk about it. Telling the story of the breakup without opinions or interruptions will give your child the chance to process what they’ve been through and learn from the experience. This, Marx said, is very important to learn and will assist the child to grow emotionally.
She said it is normal to allow your teen to act out – within bounds – for a week or two after the breakup if it helps them deal with their loss. However, if your child remains moody and distant after the two week period, you should take action.
“It’s completely normal for a heartbroken child to retreat to their room for a few days. If after two weeks, whatever olive branches you’re offering aren’t working, it might be a warning flag that things are not okay,” Marx warned.
She said that this may mean a deeper issue is surfacing and in a family intervention does not help look for a more professional opinion.
