POLOKWANE – Motherhood is not a one-size-fits-all experience.

Thanks to modern reproductive options such as surrogacy, many families are able to realise their dreams of parenthood. But while much attention is given to the emotions of intended parents, the emotional landscape for surrogate mothers is equally rich and complex.

According to psychologist Sarah Manyama, surrogates often experience a broad spectrum of emotions throughout the process.

Here’s a closer look at the emotional journey from a surrogate’s perspective:

1. Initial excitement and hope:
Many surrogates feel a sense of fulfillment and purpose in helping intended parents fulfill their dream of having a family. The potential to give a child to a couple who can’t conceive on their own can be a deeply rewarding experience.

2. Pregnancy-related emotions:
Just like any pregnancy, surrogacy involves the emotional ups and downs of carrying a baby. This can include morning sickness, physical discomforts, and the emotional adjustments to pregnancy.

3. Relationship with intended parents:
The surrogate’s emotional well-being is heavily influenced by the relationship they develop with the intended parents. A strong, supportive, and trusting relationship can make the process smoother and more positive. Conversely, a strained or unclear relationship can create emotional challenges.

4. Dealing with potential attachment:
One of the most emotionally complex aspects of surrogacy is the potential for the surrogate to develop strong feelings of attachment to the child they are carrying. This can be particularly challenging when the surrogate is not the child’s biological parent and has to emotionally release the child to the intended parents.

5. Self-reflection and personal growth:
The surrogate’s journey can also be a powerful opportunity for self-reflection and personal growth. It can help them explore their own motivations, values, and the impact they have on others.

6. Post-delivery emotions:
The emotions following delivery can be particularly intense. The surrogate may experience a range of feelings, including sadness, joy, and relief, as they navigate the transition to a new phase in their lives.

7. Long-term considerations:
Some surrogates may continue to feel emotionally connected to the child and intended parents long after the delivery. They may seek to maintain a relationship with the child and/or intended parents, or they may choose to detach completely.

But there are legal requirements and steps to take when looking for a surrogate mom and Manyama details them as follows:

1. Draft a surrogacy agreement which must be signed by the surrogate, her partner, if applicable and the commissioning parents.
2. Social workers or psychologists must evaluate the commissioning parents and the surrogate to assess their suitability.
3. Both commissioning parents and the surrogate must obtain police clearance certificates.
4. A comprehensive medical report detailing the surrogate’s health and ability to carry a child to term is required.
5. Any payments to the surrogate or an intermediary must be documented and explained, as permitted by the Children’s Act.
6. The agreement, along with supporting documentation, is submitted to the High Court for review.
7. The court examines the documents to verify the suitability of all parties and the legality of the agreement.