Dating games: The 7 quiet signs of attraction

Attraction is not spoken as much as it is experienced. It’s not often that anyone declares their attraction to someone else. Most of the time, people give it away in the little moments. It could be the way that someone looks at you, how they fidget or how they casually ask about your pet rock a week after you mentioned that you have one.

These are the quiet signs that someone’s attracted to you. Studies back it up, and body language expert David Allen noted that there are several primary body language cues to look out for; signals that are dead giveaways for attraction between people.

It’s in the eyes

Eye contact says more than people realise. If someone holds your gaze longer than necessary or keeps glancing at you when they think you are not looking, it is often because they enjoy what they see. Eye candy counts.

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“People look at what pleases them,” Allen said. “Eye contact is one of the strongest indicators of interest. And if they smile while looking at you, watch the eyes. A genuine smile creases around the corners. If it does not, they are just being polite.”

Mimicking or mirroring

If the person you’re talking to unconsciously copies your speech, your tone, gestures or posture, it is not a coincidence. It is a phenomenon known as the chameleon effect. Studies show that people mimic those with whom they feel a connection. “We mirror when we want to build trust or rapport,” Allen explained. “It is not planned, but it is a very good sign. You lean in, they lean in. You fold your arms; they do the same.”

Light touches

A light touch during conversation, a hand on the shoulder, or a brush of the arm. These are often subtle signals of interest. “It is not about being flirty or creepy,” Allen said. “A platonic, confident touch shows someone is comfortable and confident around you. People who like you want to feel closer, even in small ways.” Touch is so important to romantic signalling that researchers have linked it directly to courtship behaviour. It can be very subtle, as one man at the receiving end of affection shared online: “She touched my shoulder every time she laughed. I didn’t notice until my friend pointed it out.”

Nervous energy can be a giveaway

Fidgeting can give someone’s attraction away, but it is important to note the difference between anxiety and attraction. Because there is a wide gap. “When people are nervous from attraction, they fidget slowly, a little more erratically, not in a panicked way,” Allen said. “They do not know what to do with their hands or hair. It is awkward, but sweet.”  Something along the lines of, for example, dropping your keys twice while chatting to someone you find attractive, and then still adjusting your clothing, is obvious but a subconscious trigger of note.

Leaning in

Leaning in and making the circle smaller, shrinking the gap, is a classic. The closer you move, the closer you want to be to that person. “If someone’s feet and shoulders are facing you, and they are inching closer during a chat, that is a solid signal,” Allen said. “But if their body starts turning away, they are probably just being polite.”  Also, according to research by psychologist Albert Mehrabian, body orientation is one of the clearest indicators of engagement.

Also, look out for a light bite of the bottom lip while looking at someone. It is often a clear sign of physical attraction. “Not always obvious, but very telling,” noted Allen.

Small things… remembered

When someone recalls the tiny details you only mentioned once, it is a good sign they are paying attention. “People who like you take mental notes,” Allen said. “They are not just filling silence—they are interested.” A Reddit post painted this picture for easy reference: “She remembered my dog’s name and asked about him a week later. I’d only mentioned it once. No one does that unless they like you.”

They keep making plans

If someone keeps suggesting you do things together, even if it’s not a big thing, chances are they’re hoping to build a connection. “If I ask you to go for a walk, have coffee, or check out a spot with me, and that’s just the two of us, it is not just about the outing,” Allen said. “It is about spending time with you in a more personal setting.” One woman shared her account of courtship in its early stages online: “He kept suggesting new places we should ‘go check out together sometime’. I thought it was friendly… until it clearly wasn’t.”

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