Too much love, not enough substance. How love bombing with relationship flatlining can wreck lovestruck people.
It’s an all-out assault on the senses, on feelings and sexually. Love Bombing is an emotional blitzkrieg that can leave persons on its receiving end seduced, used, tossed out and badly scarred.
It is one of the most seductive yet insidious forms of dating, according to medical doctor and psychologist Dr Jonathan Redelinghuys.
“Love bombing is a manipulative tactic where a person showers their partner with excessive affection, gifts, and compliments at the start of a relationship,” explained Dr Redelinghuys. “It might seem like a fairy tale, but its purpose is to make the victim emotionally dependent.”
Love Bombing overwhelms its target and was first associated with the American charismatic religious movement, the Unification Church in the 1970s.
Contextually, the organisation used tactics of excessive flattery, admiration and other “blowing smoke up the rear-end” manoeuvres to recruit and retain members. It has morphed into a clear relationship strategy in the twenty-first century.
Modern relationship strategy
It’s the same modus operandi.
“Love bombers are often controlling and possessive. They start by overwhelming you with love and attention to gain your trust. Once they’ve succeeded, they can use this emotional dependency to control and manipulate,” warned Dr Redelinghuys and noted that signs of love bombing may include constant communication, excessive compliments, grand gestures of love, and a rapid escalation of the relationship.
“They may proclaim their love too soon, always want to be around you, and pressure you to commit prematurely,” said Dr Redelinghuys.
“When things are moving too quickly, and the romantic intensity feels overwhelming, it’s essential to take a step back and evaluate,” said Dr Redelinghuys. He cautioned that love bombing could lead to a toxic relationship that leaves the victim feeling emotionally drained, less confident, and paranoid.
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Yet all new relationships have strong elements of all the telltale signs during courtship, and it could be challenging to differentiate between being love bombed, or simply wooed.
Courtship or blitzkrieg?
“It’s essential not to confuse love bombing with the honeymoon phase,” Dr Redelinghuys explained.
“The latter is a healthy part of a relationship where both partners are excited and passionate. But with love bombing, the intensity is artificial and forced.”
He added that once people get to know one another a little bit, exaggerated pronouncements or actions can become clearer.
And while there is no magic formula for potential lovers to shield themselves from being bombarded with over-affection, Dr Redelinghuys said there are some preventive measures lovers can take.
“First, take your time in the relationship and don’t rush into commitments. It’s important to set boundaries, communicate openly about your concerns, and trust your instincts. If you feel that the relationship is progressing too quickly, it probably is,” advised Dr Redelinghuys.
“If your relationship feels like an emotional roller coaster, where you’re lifted to great heights only to be dropped abruptly, it’s a telltale sign,” Dr Redelinghuys shared. “Remember, genuine love is about respect, equality, and mutual growth. Anything less is not worth settling for.”
Genuine love is about respect
“Recognise and understand your self-worth. You don’t have to accept overwhelming attention that makes you uncomfortable, even if it seems to come from a place of love,” he added.
Friends and family are also an important litmus test for blossoming relationships.
“It’s also crucial to listen to friends and family. They can often see the situation more objectively and alert you to any red flags.”
Love bombing can lead to emotional trauma. Victims may feel used, betrayed, and may end up with a somewhat distorted perception of love and relationships.
“Feelings of worthlessness, anxiety, and depression may surface as victims struggle with dealing with the exceptional highs at first, followed by a hollowed-out emptiness almost instantaneously when the love bomber decides to move on,” said Dr Redelinghuys.
But every relationship is different, and every new encounter is a risk.
“Try and make it a calculated risk, and do not invest too much upfront,” said Dr Redelinghuys.
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