Christmas gifting is tough, but it should be. Because the thought counts more than anything else.
The festive season is the time of giving but not always receiving.
Because, frankly, some gifts you’d be better off not getting and not having to say thank you with gritted teeth and a Hollywood smile.
Put some thought into gifting and don’t make the recipient feel like it was a last-minute-dotcom or, for that matter, something cute but just as impractical as putting on a G-string backwards.
Because that’s how uncomfortable the wrong choices can be, too.
This year, don’t give me a hamper of crackers, chutney, cheese, wine, biltong and nuts. Not unless you are a corporate dolling out annual thank yous.
If I wanted groceries, I’d go to the mall and pack my own basket. Gifting this feels like you forgot to shop, raided your kitchen and wine rack and plonked it into a basket with some cellophane wrap to make it look special. Well, it’s not.
You can buy me socks, because everyone has a chronic shortage.
If it’s a cartoon sock, choose characters or idioms that resonate. If it’s normal socks, do not gift safari whatevers and not three packs. That’s cheapskate socking.
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Do not buy me underpants, because firstly, no matter what any man’s size, he’ll only be happy with a large. Buy a small and you’ve insulted the guy for a year. Same goes for three packs of anything or one-size fits all whatever.
Don’t get me mail order or as-seen-on-TV stuff. If I wanted it, I would have bought it. This counts especially for high-tech mops, vacuum cleaners, dust busters or a set of magical micro fibre gold-stitched dishcloths.
Are you actually telling me that my house needs a spring clean?
If it breathes, don’t wrap it and tag a card to it. Anyone who gifts pets should be ribboned and gifted, too.
There are two reasons for this: a pet, whether a puppy, kitten, rabbit, dog, or goldfish may land up being unwanted, which in turn will burden animal shelters. It’s just unfair.
Also, you are gifting effort, expense and annoyance, even if it is for the kids. Because someone’s got to pay the vet bills, clean the fish bowl, deworm, vaccinate and feed. Unless you also include a gift card for unlimited spend for the lifetime of the pet gift.
Plants require the same kind of effort and care. Next year you’ll admire my brand-new ash tray fashioned out of the remnants of that pot.
Grandparents, uncles, aunties: please don’t gift my kids expensive dust collectors. They don’t need more toys; they don’t need expensive rechargeables that honk and drive.
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A simple gift is all that’s required and, if you want to spend a bit more, speak to the parents. If you try and outdo the gifts I got my own kids, you’ll speak to the hand for the next year. Allow parents to decide the gifting policy, and the quantum.
Live Laugh and Love carved from some piece of plywood does not belong on my walls. Instructions on how to pee and poo, tinkle in the loo, not for my bathroom.
Thanks for the thought, but tastes differ and not everyone wants a dude with a big hat under a cactus on their outside walls. The 21st-century version, neon sign abomination, will add injury to an insult.
Oh, and don’t spend on a mug with some Santa cartoon or silly saying. I already have a stack of corporate branded mugs and inspirational affirmations from seasons past.
Keep your body wash and soap-on-a-rope (if they still make the Father’s Day, birthday and Christmas gifting copout) or hand lotion.
A candle is cute, but load shedding seems to be a thing of the past – for now, anyway.
Gifting is tough, but it should be. Because the thought counts more than anything else.
If you spend less time pondering what I might like than you do at the cash register to pay for it, rather don’t. A hug on Christmas day will mean more.
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