It’s time for parliament to lighten up

I mean, their actions are those of street fighters. They scream, throw punches – and lately bottles – swear, insult and make racist remarks.

South Africa’s national assembly. Photo: ANA.

In the light of the goings-on in parliament, I suggest the functioning process should be changed to fit in with the lifestyles of modern-day politicos. I mean, their actions are those of street fighters. They scream, throw punches – and lately bottles – swear, insult and make racist remarks.

The first custom to go is referring to each other as “honourable”. What’s honourable about them? It’s an oxymoron.

The speaker of the house would have a better job in controlling the house; she’ll simply sit back and watch the entertainment, because with the new system, anything goes.

Shouts JuJu: “Hey, Van Stonemason, why you so quiet, man? Got up on the wrong side of the bed?”

Van Stonemason shouts back: “Julius, at least I’ve got a bed. I hear the sheriff of the court attached yours to pay the Agri boys.”

A redhead lady screams: “Typical of the Disaster Ash-heap to insult dishonoured Juju when he’s down on the floor. It was a fair question, Madam Speaktoomuch.”

The speaker rocks in a fit of laughter. “I’ll make a decision tomorrow – if I find time between my hair and nail appointments.”

“With disrespect, do you think it will make you look more sexy than you are?” says Red Hair.

Blushingly, the speaker says: “You’re too kind, Rooikop. But stick to the subject.”

“What subject?” asks Holimisstheboat. “Let’s get back to business.”

Retorts Pompies Pelser: “Business? What business is there to discuss? All our businesses are out of business. There are no lights, no flights, no trains, no buses. I suggest, Mevrou Praatteveel, we rather discuss an increase for us parliamentarians.”

The assembly erupts with spontaneous applause.

Gatsha Buthelezi leans over to a colleague, and whispers: “Who says we’re not a united nation?”

Seizing the jocular moment, the leader of Agang says: “May I tell a joke, Speaktoomuch?”

“Go ahead, Bottlecatcher. But watch your sign language”.

“Thank you, you sexy thing. I was walking down the street, punched a white guy and was arrested for assault. The next day after I got out, I punched a black guy and I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.”