Mzansi is a movie: How Ramaphosa plans to digitally upskill unemployed youngsters with no electricity

President Cyril Ramaphosa this week announced the National Skills Fund will soon launch a new R800 million model intended to give unemployed youth a chance to gain digital skills.

But the president, his Cabinet and all the rich folk who attended the 5th South Africa Investment Conference in Sandton last week seemed to have missed the giant electrical elephant in this R800 million plan: i.e., where is the electricity going to come from?

Much like everything else in the modern world, the digital economy requires a steady power supply source to perform consistently, something virtually non-existent in South Africa

ALSO READ: Power crisis, ICT infrastructure theft threaten SA’s investment gains – Ramaphosa

Ramaphosa’s light bulb moment

Sources in the presidency said Ramaphosa had a watershed, light-bulb moment, albeit in hindsight, shortly after the announcement.

“Number one realised the great flaw in the skills development plan when his iPad battery died, and he could not charge it immediately because of load shedding,” said presidential aide Deep Throat Ndlovu.

“The president was visiting a youth centre earmarked as a potential recipient for the digital training hub, but the centre has no backup systems, so he had to rough it out on his iPhone, which only had about 15% battery. He was unable to get on TikTok the entire afternoon.”

Ndlovu said it was at this moment the lights went on upstairs for Ramaphosa.

“Until this point, he thought the digital economy operated on clouds and vibes.”

ALSO READ: Nersa proposes 15.1% hike in municipal electricity tariffs

Bryntirion estate earmarked for digital program

The ministerial residential complex, Bryntirion Estate in Tshwane, is the only place in the country unaffected by the power cuts because government officials can’t be expected to live without basic services.

“Nelson Mandela didn’t spend 27 years in jail for his party ministers to live like the people that vote for them, bathong!” Ndlovu added.

It’s understood that Ramaphosa proposed temporarily using the estate to make the digital skills development plan a reality.

“He reminded officials that elections are around the corner. They know they can’t depend only on grants and KFC streetwise two to secure votes,” said another source close to Ramaphosa.

“KFC also let us down because the second piece of chicken in the streetwise meal is the wing, which makes it essentially KFC streetwise one and a half,” said the source.

The president reportedly promised ministers they would only have to sacrifice their comfortable, shoddy-services-proofed homes until the elections were over.

ALSO READ: Here’s how much SA’s been forking out on generators, inverters for ‘rock star’ ministers

Ministers to be relocated to the Lost City Palace

“We were looking at moving ministers to the Lost City Palace during that time, but recent Google reviews of the palace haven’t been favourable,” said the source.

“The ministers do have an incentive to move through. After elections, interest in the program will fade, and the funds will be available in time for looting season.”

Off course the theft of state resources and taxpayer money would, later on, be exposed by trouble-making journalists and goody-goody opposition parties, but by that time, the money would be spent, and number one will be shocked.

“I mean, the nation already knows number one is perpetually in shock; why would renewed looting be any different?” asked the source.

*This story is based on real events some of which has been fictionalised for satirical purposes.
*Sponsored by White Monopoly Capital and Things-mainstream-media-won’t cover.

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