Adopting a colourful future

“When I was a little girl, I told my mom I was going to adopt an African girl.”

The petite, blonde Nikki Seppings from Ballito is now the mother of two adopted African children – Zoey (6) and Malakai (3).

Nikki and her husband, Dean, wanted to have a biological child first and tried to fall pregnant. After three years of trying the natural way, followed by various fertility treatments and finally a miscarriage, she had a dream about going to iThemba Lethu, a Durban-based non-profit organisation caring for vulnerable babies.

“In my dream, I saw a picture of Zoey and I knew she was there waiting for me. We went through the interview process, our family history was checked and we told them we wanted to adopt a 12-month-old, healthy girl.”

Soon after, she received a phone call about a baby who did not quite suite the profile: she was 18 months old and had a cleft pallet.

“I felt we had to hear her story, so we went to Durban Child Welfare and met her. She was found abandoned in an Umlazi garden at three weeks. We spent time with her to see if we were a match. It is important to speak up if you do not think you are a match. Do not feel like you will not get another chance.”

Luckily, they fell instantly in love with baby Zoey, adopted her and had her cleft pallet fixed.

“People often feel worried about having attachment issues if the baby is over 12 months old, but we never experienced that.”

They later adopted a second African baby, this time a boy.

“I always tell people to adopt a boy, because a girls’ hair is so difficult. I spend about eight hours at the salon with Zoey when she gets her braids done.”

While she said they have never felt awkward or unwelcome as a multiracial family in Ballito, they have had different experiences elsewhere.

“We recently went to East London and we got strange looks from people and felt uneasy. We are so blessed to live here.”

Steve Gray from Salt Rock, the proud father of two “peach” children, Arabella and Asher and one “brown” child, Ben, agreed with Seppings about Ballito’s acceptance of multiracial families.

“I do not think any people in Ballito want to be known as racists. Those who are, mostly keep their opinions to themselves,” said Gray, who decided to adopt when he and his wife, Mandy, did some local outreach work.

“People think adoption is difficult and long because of the horror stories you hear of people trying to adopt a specific child. When these children are not legally available for adoption there is a long legal process for the blood parents to relinquish their parental rights. If you want to adopt a child and you go to an orphanage or adoption service, it is pretty simple and takes about three months.”

Both Gray and Seppings, who recently had a biological baby called Seth (10 months), said their children have no problem with each other.

“When our children fight with each other it’s because they are children fighting for their own space in the family, so I don’t think it makes a difference if the irritating little brother is adopted or not,” said Gray, who recommended adoption to anyone who is ready to have children.

“Having kids is hard, but so worth it. If every middle class family in South Africa adopted one orphan, there would be no orphans left, and this country would be a wonderful place, even more so as these children grow into fully integrated members of society.”

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