Warning: This column may be considered offensive by some readers!
* My buddy Susan is a proud South African of Indian descent. She reminded me of the soap manufacturing process in a company in Japan. The soap blocks were made, then wrapped in wrapping paper automatically on an assembly conveyor belt, and finally packed in cartons. Many times it happened that the wrapping machine wrapped the paper without soap, ie you had an empty packet without soap.
To rectify this problem, the Japanese company bought an x-ray scanner from the US for $60,000 to check on the assembly line whether the container contained soap and wasn’t empty.
However, a similar problem happened at Nirma soaps in Gujarat. Guess what the Gujji chaar ous did? They bought a bajaj fan costing around $30 and placed it on the edge of the assembly line. The empty wrappers without soaps just blew away! Now that’s chaar ingenuity; simple but effective.
* What do you call a chaar girl waiting for the bus? Moti Vaiting.
* What did the Indian potato say when it answered the phone? “Aaloo?”
* What does a car say in India? I’m a mota car.
* What do shrimps sing on Christmas in India? Jhinga Bells.
* I accidentally spilled coffee on a Hindu lady’s dress. I told her I was very sari.
* An Indian lawyer? Case-wani. An Indian lawyer after a case? Purse-wani.
* A God-fearing Indian? Bhagwandas Godwani.
* An Indian electrician? Voltram Bijlani.
* A fashionable Indian? Jogio Armani.
* An Indian casanova? Prem Kissinchandani.
* Why did the Gujji think the film Gandhi was about a woman? Because Be(h)n Kingsley was in it.
* Why did the Gujji go to London? To see Big Behn.
* Why did the Gujji wear a Tuxedo to his vasectomy? If he was going to become impotent, he wanted to look impotent.
* An American businessman goes to India on a business trip, but he hates Indian food, so he asks the concierge at his hotel if there’s any place around where he can get American food. The concierge tells him he’s in luck; there’s a pizza place that just opened, and they deliver. The concierge gives the businessman the phone number, and he goes back to his room and orders a pizza. 30 minutes later, the delivery guy shows up at the door with the pizza. The businessman takes the pizza and starts sneezing uncontrollably. He asks the delivery man, “What the heck did you put on this pizza?” The delivery man bows deeply and says, “We put on the pizza what you ordered, pepper only.”
* In Mumbai, a man is going to jump off the building. Up rushes a good Hindu cop to talk him down. The cop yells up to the man “Don’t jump! Think of your father.” The man replies, “Haven’t got a father; I’m going to jump.” The cop goes through a list of relatives: mother, brothers, sister, etc. Each time, the man says, “Haven’t got one; going to jump.” Desperate, the cop yells up, “Don’t jump! Think of Lord Krishna.” The man replies, “Who is that?” The cop yells, “Jump, bloody Muslim! You’re blocking traffic!”
* A chaar aunty went to the corner shop to buy shampoo. The guy was a bit of a loose tongue, so he said, “If you want to shampoo your head, I recommend Head and Shoulders, but if you want to shampoo down there, I advise Pantene.” The aunty said, “Hey Chootiya, give me Garnier!”
* How to identify a true music lover. If a man hears a woman singing in the bathroom, he puts his ear to the keyhole instead of his eye.