The freer we are the more rules we have to live by.
The Minister of Sport and Recreation has released new details on how many people you are allowed to invite to your weekend braais – remember, your guests must be representative of the demographics and you must cater for vegetarians too.
You must chat about football for 15 minutes, netball for 8 minutes, rugby for 13 minutes and athletics for 10 minutes.
Apparently he is willing to listen to partial exceptions if your guests are terribly boring.
An enterprising group, calling themselves Dial-A-Braai party has been formed comprising the correct amount of demographic people who, for a fee, a piece of wors and a few glasses of expensive whisky, will attend your braai, chat about the right things for the correct amount of minutes and be superbly politically correct.
So what you have to do is invite just about four of the people you really want at your braai and then call Dial-A-Braai party to ensure the legality of said braai.

Rumours that the ‘Braai Police’ are really reptiles in disguise are yet to be denied by the Department.

Remember: your guests will also have to be primed not to say anything untoward as the Dial-A-Braai guys will immediately blacklist your braais and you could find yourself sacrificed on the altar on the bonfire of political braai vanities.
The Minister of Sport and Recreation has also confirmed the hiring of black-suited Braai and Sport Police who will make random spot checks on braais, parties and, of course, local sport.
Rumours that the ‘Braai Police’ are really reptiles in disguise are yet to be denied by the Department.
One unfortunate braaier in Strathmore Park reported that his party was interrupted by the masked Braai Police who arrived in a large, dark rented car with tinted windows.
“There were about eight of them,” the trembling voice told The Bowman.
“One even had the temerity to poke his penknife into my nearly-cooked wors.
“When I asked him why he said there is also a clamp down on consuming imported meat.”
Fortunately for him, his guests were Braai Compliant as he had cleverly combined a televised Kaizer Chiefs/Pirates game with a family braai.
“My visiting relatives were warned not to talk about rugby for longer than three minutes.
Jeez, I never knew my Oom Piet from Piet Retief knew the difference between a soccer off side and a penalty. Even the Braai Police were impressed and made a note on the tablet which was encased in a black leather pouch – which I suspect may have been made out of snake skin.”
After scoffing meat and gulping down a few brandies and Coke, the men glided off apparently almost satisfied although they did complain about white people being too thrifty when it comes to buying for a braai.
Fortunately, braais in Sibongile will continue without fear or favour as everyone knows that white ous cannot ‘shishinyama’.