Our wandering lion can make NDE famous again
With crime so high in Dundee, the lion is sure to never grow hungry.
It has been a roaring start to the year. There is no such thing as a quiet year these days. Thanks to citizen journalism, everyone is now a reporter. Take our lion – the mane guy, not the lager.
He has been seen in Sibongile, Glencoe, Nquthu and everywhere between. This wily old cat successfully evaded a posse of hunters on the ground and in the air. No wonder, he was down a pothole on Van Eck Drive in the industrial area.
The lion is now expected to take legal action against the municipality for loss of dignity. I mean, which lion wants to be helped out of a pothole by a group of silly, whiny humans?
Of course, the lion sighting did spark a vigorous debate over whether he should be shot (to protect humans) or darted and relocated. Personally, I would like to keep him. Maybe get a few lion whisperers in and get him to patrol the streets at night. Then there would be no need to call SAPS (many residents say the phones aren’t answered in any case) as the prowling Simba would keep all the baddies at bay once the sun goes down on little old Dundee.
Dundee gets even scruffier after sunset. The ladies of the night beam down outside the Post Office and on Ann Street and drug deals, as we learned tragically last year, are going down in various locations. The mere presence of our lion will surely send these scurrilous rogues scuttling to places like Newcastle, which are lion-less.
Our lion would be a one-man army. He could patrol say from 7pm to 7am and be fed a generous portion of meat as a reward.
We could also put a clause into his contract saying he can eat whoever he catches. With crime so high in Dundee, this guy is sure to never grow hungry.
SAPS could take a back seat and if we ever get those CCTV cameras – maybe that will happen when the Proteas win the World Cup – we could all sit back and watch the action on our smartphones. But where would the lion sleep in the day (cue Wimoweh)?
The municipality would be the obvious choice – not only will he keep the workers in check and make sure they are working, he could also be called upon by the Speaker to usher out unruly councillors when the local debates end up like the President’s SONA.
I reckon our lion will make Dundee famous again. And of course, we could also get him sponsored by the guy who makes a famous beer.
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