Most women will prioritise other people's needs over theirs.
For illustrative purposes. Picture: iStock
Many women have perfected a familiar response: “I can manage. I will find a way. I always do.”
It is said when an unexpected bill arrives, when a relative needs help or when a child needs something that was not in the budget.
“But,” warns Lulama Mrara, regional manager at Old Mutual Personal Finance, “being able to cope is a strength. But constantly having to cope can come at a price.”
Postponing enjoyment
Most women who postpone their own needs for other people are mothers and for their children. Papadi Rantsoareng told The Citizen she has never needed anything in life because her mother always came through for her.
“Ever since I was a little girl, I have always been ‘mommy’s girl’. I have never heard my mom say the word ‘no’ to me or my brother, unless it is something really ridiculous. But the older I got, I started asking myself when does she ever do anything for herself, because she has always came through for my brother and I.
“Because of her and my aunt, I have grown up to be a girl’s girl, and I tell them from time to time to take care of themselves because life is fun when you spoil yourself.”
Women always pulling through
Tebello Mokhotso told The Citizen his mom always came through for him, but he had to inform her in time.
“My mother taught me that I have to let her know in time if there is something I want, and I will receive it. But even when I tell her I need something urgently, she provides it.” This Women’s Month, Mokhotso also shared a spotlight on his fiancée.
“That woman is selfless when it comes to me and our son. If she is in a position to do something our son wants, she does it and only informs me later. But I always remind her to prioritise herself. Her happiness is important.”
The danger
Mrara said the result of being the person who absorbs the pressure can be cumulative. It does not appear on a payslip or bank statement. Instead, it can show up in opportunities deferred, investments never started and the financial cushion that never quite gets built.
The latest Old Mutual Savings and Investment Monitor (OMSIM) suggests that many women are feeling that pressure acutely. 56% of women worry about debt, compared with 46% of men, a 10-percentage-point difference that points to a significant level of financial anxiety.
At the same time, women are actively finding ways to strengthen their income. The research found that 63% of women are poly-jobbers or have side hustles, compared with 56% of men.
“Women are not simply worrying about their financial circumstances. Many are actively trying to change them, taking on additional work, creating new income streams and finding ways to make the numbers add up,” she added.
Finding solutions
Mrara said a side hustle, additional income and financial discipline are powerful tools for building greater financial resilience, provided they are part of a broader plan.
The modern version of “I can manage” might be the woman working a full-time job while running an online business at night. It could be the professional taking on freelance work on weekends, or the woman supporting family members while creating another source of income.
She is coping. She is adapting. She is finding solutions. But she can also use that resourcefulness to build.
“The ability to make a plan and keep going when circumstances change is an important strength, but it should not mean that women carry every financial burden alone,” said Mrara.
What happens when one stops coping?
Mrara said a useful question to ask is: “If I had to stop coping tomorrow, would my financial life still hold together?”
“If the answer is no, then it is a reason to start paying attention. Knowing where you stand is a good place to begin.
“What comes in each month? What goes out? How much is available in an emergency? What protection is in place if your income suddenly disappears? Are you building something for the years when you will no longer be earning a salary?”
Building the future needed
The OMSIM findings revealed that women are already demonstrating initiative by finding new ways to earn and manage their finances.
“This Women’s Month, perhaps the conversation we need is not simply about encouraging women to be stronger. Many already are. It is about making sure that the strength, resourcefulness and determination women bring to their financial lives are working not only to help them cope today, but also to help them build the future they want.”
