Mbombela businesswomen encouraged to empower themselves at council meeting
Legal and emotional guidance to ending a relationship/marriage was discussed during the monthly networking session of the South African Council for Businesswomen (SACBW) Nelspruit a week ago at Southern Sun Emnotweni.
The speakers of the day, Adv Johria van den Bergh, and author, entrepreneur, inspirational speaker and relationship coach, Pertunia Lehoka, had prepared presentations on the subject.
Van den Bergh focused mainly on the legal aspects of the dissolution of a relationship/marriage. “The statistics on divorce and dissolution of a romantic relationship read like Covid-19 scorecards. Many relationships are infected and unfortunately most are in fact deceased. It is a very hard reality. The best advice I ever got is to set up a contract as if divorce is imminent, and you pray that it is not. I know this is not the love story we all want to hear, but you have to prepare for it, ladies, you have to save yourself, since no one else is going to save you.
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“When you realise your relationship is not working, that is usually the hardest. When I talk marriage, it is in fact a civil union.”
Lehoka said even if the relationship was toxic, one will still feel sad that it is over. This relationship coach focused on the challenges that people face after they leave their relationships.
She said people need to remember that when a relationship ends, it needs to be mourned like the death of a loved one.
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“It is not nice, but we need to go through all the stages and processes. In those stages, there is denial. When people are told that a loved one has died, the first thing most say is that they had just spoken to the person and that it cannot be possible they are now dead. This exact stage happens in marriage, too, when a person says they did everything to save the marriage. After denial, there is the blame stage. You blame everyone and you do not give yourself time to see things as they are. Then you reach the anger stage and you start listing the things you did for your relationship. Then follows the sadness stage,” she explained.
According to Lehoka, some of these stages delay the healing process.
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