Times change. Bullying doesn’t.
Thinking about this truth makes my stomach turn.
What a race we are, folks. Humans drive cars, write books and managed to get light bulbs and the internet going.
We have figured out how to use knives and forks, how to courtesy and designed porcelain devices for purposes not to be mentioned.
One would swear that we have finesse.
But we have not been able to tame bullies.
Because humans are inherently flawed, it’s a given that bullying will never be eradicated. That said I do believe that we can do more to keep it in check. This starts with parents, teachers and all of us who deal with young children. It is up to us to teach them that bullying is never acceptable.
- What is bullying?
According to Psychology Today, bullying is a distinctive pattern of harming and humiliating others.
“Bullies are made, not born, and it happens at an early age, if the normal aggression of 2-year-olds isn’t handled well,” states the web site in a report called “Understanding Bullying.”
Few people realise that bullying kills.
This 13-year old boy from Benoni died in September last year – allegedly from injuries inflicted by bullies.
A 16-year-old boy from Soshanguve committed suicide after being bullied. This happened exactly a year ago.
I believe that a poorly raised child is more likely to bully than a child raised properly. Eradicating bullying starts at home. It starts with parents teaching their children manners. This is a lifelong challenge that takes time and devotion.
I know this because my parents were very strict. Unfortunately, the parents of my classmates were not as strict as mine and I was bullied endlessly. It was up to the other grown-ups in our community to step in where it was needed. This included teachers at our school.
These grown-ups did so with fluctuating levels of enthusiasm. When they felt protective, my day was good. When they were too exhausted to stand up on my behalf, I spent a few minutes with my behind in paper-thin thorns. That was a favourite among the gang – pushing someone backwards until she landed on the thorns and the pushing her down by the shoulders.
It was the late 1990s and schools did not have million word policies on every conceivable topic like they do nowadays.
These policies are sometimes an administrative pain. When it comes to bullying, however, I believe that every school should have a clear policy stipulating what constitutes bullying and defining what consequences bullies will suffer.
Here’s what happens when a school has no policy on bullying:
X gets bullied endlessly. The bullies know that there are no real consequences and will keep at it forever. They will devise new ways of bullying to keep things interesting. The world of social media enables bullies to continue torturing their victims 24 hours a day, seven days a week. I know that this happens, because I deal with bullied teens during cyber law lectures.
X can only take so much and will retaliate at some point. Someone who has been pushed for too long is bound to react vehemently when the last straw breaks the camel’s back. When this happens, X’s reaction seems disproportionate and he may easily get into trouble and be labelled as a child with too much of a temper.
The vicious cycle will continue ad infinitum.
It really does take a village to raise a child. Combatting bullying is up to all of is. If you see it, address it. If you notice it online, say something. If you are a teacher or principal, take responsibility for your school’s bullying policy and ensure that it is enforced.
This is important, because things have already gone too far. We cannot allow bullying to be the norm. If our parents, teachers and adults don’t do something, our children will live in a society where bullies have the upper hand.
We owe it to society to NOT raise bullies.
Here’s how:
- Set a good example: If you are prone to criticizing others, throwing tantrums, screaming and cursing, your child will copy your behaviour.
- Be nice to your spouse: Addressing others respectfully is likely to rub off on your children.
- Make it clear that acts have consequences. Erratic punishment causes confusion.
- Encourage good behaviour.
- Communicate with your child’s teachers regularly. If bad behaviour manifests, they should feel free to discuss it with you.
- If your child is involved in a skirmish, don’t assume that it was not his fault. This gives your child the impression that you will always assume his innocence. Gone is the idea that acts always have consequences.
