There’s nothing like being a newly single woman in your late twenties.
After a wonderful relationship of about three years, my boyfriend and I decided to go our separate ways. This happened about a month ago.
Of course it was sad, but that’s just how life goes. I decided to embrace reality and make the most of the present.
Sit back, relax and have a laugh at the expense of myself and whoever featured in my life over the past 30 days.
So there I was.
Sitting in my living room and staring at my dogs.
“Yeah. You’re right. I’ve become too reserved and too nerdy. I have got to get out there and live a little,” I told them.
So I put on a cheesy blockbuster CD and upped the volume. While performing a duet with Elsa from Frozen, I thought about the way forward.
“I shall dye my hair blonde,” I mused.
It sort of looked like the real thing.
My gran suggested that I try online dating. “Everyone’s doing it these days,” she quipped. You know you’ve reached an all-time low if your gran states that you are not as technologically with it as everyone else.
So I downloaded a dating app called Tinder while having a glass of wine with my best friend, Heleen.
Tinder allows users to upload photos of themselves along with their age, where they studied, where they live and what they do for a living. Users can page through an electronic catalogue of eligible singles. A left-swipe indicates that you are not interested in the face on your screen. A right-swipe indicates the opposite.
I was scrolling through the Tinder profiles of various locals, wondering what the hell the married ones were doing 0n there.
Of course it crossed my mind that some people use it as a hook-up site to arrange one-night stands. The term “Tinderised steak” came to mind. And I was not planning on being anyone’s Tinderised steak. Yet I still gave the platform a try – just for the hell of it.
According to this guy, Tinder is good for meeting other halves.
When two users have right swiped each other’s profiles, Tinder announces “It’s a match!” and you may then send your match a message.
“This is ridiculous, I’m not replying,” I said when a guy sent me a message. So Heleen grabbed my phone and did the awkward footwork for me.
The conversation continued and I decided to meet the man.
He wanted to meet at his house, which freaked me out. “What if he is a human trafficker?” I asked Heleen. Non-human trafficker guy offered a reasonable explanation for his need to meet me at home. His cat was busy dying. I requested physical evidence of said cat, which he provided.
It was a fun meet and greet with an intellectual match. Those are scarce around here. The thought crossed my mind that he may have had cruel intentions, but I decided that would not be a problem.
After meeting his friends, sister and colleagues, I had reason to believe that he was a cool guy. And then it happened. I caught myself giving this guy a clingy, super-cuddly marathon hug. And I kind of expected him to want to do movies at home on a Friday.
Red alert.
It occurred to me that dating anyone seriously right now would amount to me replacing my ex with someone else. A rebound, as they call it. Bad idea.
Once I got used to flying solo – yeah I just said that – I started to enjoy it. Life itself became a celebration. I would find myself singing power ballads in my car for no reason in particular.
This is so corny, but I literally discovered a side to my personality I forgot I had. Spontaneous (good, clean) fun became an everyday thing.
I even went back to the gym after a long sabbatical.
A few more Tinder conversations caused me to roll my eyes.
This one guy would only send me horribly drunk messages.
“Hgd hun,” for example.
Another one periodically sent a one-liner. “Pssssst.” If I failed to reply, he followed with a “Psssst?”
I decided to go on a few more dates.
Tabasco man was a hit.
He showed up with a bottle of hot sauce that he made himself.
We had a good chat and left it at that.
Next up was Malalane man. I declined an invitation to the Duck ‘n Dive.
A traditional, old-school blind coffee date with an accountant followed. That was pleasant. He has a brilliant sense of humour.
After a month of Tindering, I decided to delete the application. It hosts way too many perverts who only have one thing in mind. And it ain’t looking into anyone’s eyes or getting to know them, or even making friends.
And besides, I need to spend some more time on my own. I am reminding myself of who I was before I derived a sense of identity from being in a relationship. Yes, that actually happened.
Would I suggest Tinder to any singles out there?
Use it only if you aren’t taking it too seriously. Keep your values intact. Don’t arrange a meet and greet without telling someone.
And if you’ve just gotten out of a relationship like myself, don’t replace one person with another. A rebound is never a good idea.
And remember.
