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What to do with a hot potato?
Juggling the parcels as if they were red hot coals off a tonka, he stuffs them back. He leaves the bunker at a slower pace than when he arrived.
Former president Jacob Zuma. Picture: Michel Bega
My make-believe world says it was a week later when Jail Jumper checked his modified pool pump well for the golfing Coffin Dodger’s cash contribution for lawyers’ fees and the loan payback to Diamond Digger.
The cash-strapped Nkandla bondholder couldn’t believe his own eyes. There before him were two neat parcels wrapped in pages of the defunct New Age newspaper.
“Yippee. Now my lawyer will keep me out of jail and the klippies oke off my back”. He gingerly picks up the parcels and speedily makes his way to the secret bunker.
Behind a huge portrait of him posing with Mask Mkhize, FIC (fraudulent insurance claimant) and a group of dog-collared men, was an old-fashioned wall safe. Sturdy, only an acetylene torch could open without keys.
Hands shaking with excitement, he places the treasure deep into the safe. Then decides to retrieve the parcels, dying to know how much his benefactor had sent.
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“Oh, no!” he screams, “they’re in dollars! What in the flippin’ flowers am I going to do with American currency? Both my blabbering lawyer and Diamond Digger would freak. Nowadays, when you talk dollars you inevitably think of Buffalo Bill’s sofa millions. The Hawks would be onto me before you could say Amandla”.
Juggling the parcels as if they were red hot coals off a tonka, he stuffs them back. He leaves the bunker at a slower pace than when he arrived. What to do with the hot potato? Suddenly, his wily brain kicks in. Of course, diamond dealers know about money laundering.
“Must get on to Digger,” he mutters and makes his way to the office-cum-bedroom and dials Digger’s number.
“Hi, Klippies, he-he, – you like? – good news and bad. Good means I’ve got your money, bad is it’s in dollars.”
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“Relax, Living Dead, tee-hee – you like? – I’ll get the cash washed will-nilly.”
“What a relief. But another favour. I’ve got another batch for a friend.”
“Yes, for a commission. What about a drop exchange point?”
“Easy. You have a helicopter, okay? You know the pool at Nkandla? Go to the pump well. Better than a sofa, hey? Got it?”
“Got it.”
