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We hike for Instagram, smile through bad haircuts, and moisturise while mocking moisturising. Vanity’s a circus—and every one of us is in it.
We don’t just live—we pose, filter, and obsess. In today’s world, vanity is more than a vice. It’s an art form. Picture: iStock
“Humans are nature’s most self-obsessed creation,” my neighbour grunts.
“If aliens ever show up, they’ll probably be baffled by how much time we spend staring at our own reflections, posing for selfies and arguing over hair products,” he adds while moisturising his face with a sunblock-cream to avoid getting more wrinkles.
He is over 60, by the way.
He has a valid point.
Once upon a time, but not so long ago, people took photos to capture beautiful memories.
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Now, we take 347 selfies just to find the one where our left eyebrow looks slightly better. And don’t even get me started on the “candid” shots – there’s nothing candid about posing like you just happened to be laughing in perfect golden-hour lighting.
Nobody lifts weights in a gym any more – they lift for the mirror. You’ll see someone staring at their reflection, flexing biceps they swear wasn’t there yesterday.
“Is that … a new vein? Yes!
“Gains!”
Few things in life are as traumatic as getting a bad haircut. One wrong snip and suddenly it’s hat season for the next six months. And let’s not forget the dramatic salon moment when the stylist holds up the mirror behind your head and asks: “Do you like it?”
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Of course, you nod and smile – while mentally screaming: “What have you done to me?”
People will hike a whole mountain just to take a single glamorous photo, pretending they’re one with nature – then immediately climb back down to find Wi-Fi and upload it. Bonus points if they caption it: “Just out here, living my best life.”
Humans will do anything to avoid looking old.
Anti-ageing creams? Tick.
Botox? Tick. “Face yoga” that makes you look like you’re chewing invisible gum? Tick.
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Meanwhile, turtles live to be 150 years old and don’t stress over a single wrinkle.
And those who take selfies and caption it: “I just woke up like this.” No, you didn’t.
Nobody wakes up looking like a perfectly filtered influencer. We wake up looking like escaped cave creatures – hair in chaos, pillow lines tattooed on our faces and a vague sense of confusion about where we are.
I have to agree with my neighbour.
Vanity makes us do ridiculous things, but hey – maybe it’s what keeps life entertaining.
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After all, if we didn’t care about looking good, how would the beauty industry make its multibillions each year?
