Five jobs Jacob Zuma can comfortably settle into

Pastor Zuma, Honorary Professor Zuma, speaking-circuit darling, small-scale farmer or running his own foundation. Zuma will still be here with us come next Monday.

If Jacob Zuma steps down gracefully after consultation with national leaders, recalled or impeached by Parliament, it definitely won’t be an end of an era. He can still remain magnanimous and ubiquitous in a number of ways.

Preach to us, man of the cloth, we are your lost sheep 

While still deputy president of the ANC shortly before he dethroned Thabo Mbeki from the ANC’s top position, Zuma was made an honorary pastor at a meeting of independent charismatic churches in Ntuzuma. In Ntuzuma’s full Gospel Community Church in May 2007, priests and bishops proclaimed their support for Zuma, saying they would back him all the way to Limpopo in December. According to IOL, they wanted a leader who listened.

In an apparent swipe at President Thabo Mbeki, pastor Qiniso Shabalala said: “We want a leader who sees poverty and walks and lives among poverty-stricken people in Nkandla, rather than a person who learns about poverty through the internet.”

Zuma was later brought to the podium, where a prayer was dedicated to him. Bishop Ben Mthethwa then put a cleric’s collar on Zuma and declared him a “priest”.

That was not the only time he was ordained as a priest, as Bantu Church of Christ have conferred to him the position of a pastor. “I’m blessed, and I’m called to bless. I have been given the power to bless. I’m so happy for this ordination ceremony. I’ll be leaving office soon and serve the Lord with the rest of my life,” the newly ordained Zuma reportedly said after the ceremony in June 2016.

Bestow unto us pearls of wisdom, dear professor

President Jacob Zuma was awarded the title of Honorary Professor of International Relations by the Peking University in Beijing, China, according to a press statement released by the Presidency in July 2012.

Even though the university’s website doesn’t seem to confirm existence of such a department over there, we are not spicy enough to ask further questions. The Chinese may value his experience and invite Zuma as a visiting professor.

He was also “humbled” by the awarding of an honorary doctorate in Humane Letters to him by Texas Southern University (TSU) in Houston, according to a statement released by former spokesperson Mac Maharaj on September 25, 2011.

For thy oratory skills nourish our quest for knowledge

Attending the African Union (AU) summit this past weekend, Zuma said “corruption in Africa is exaggerated”. Right there, Mr President you have the speaking circuit’s attention. You are a disruptor, a radical thinker. Here is how much other former presidents are paid for speaking, according to Bill Clinton earned $750 000 for a single speech in Hong Kong in 2011.

Former President George W. Bush earns between $100 000 and $175 000 per speech, and “is considered one of the most prolific speech-makers in modern politics.”

Man can’t live on bread alone, for he can sow what he planted

Small-scale commercial farming, the opposite of subsistence farming, awaits Zuma to go that route and flourish. Parliament descended into chaos and comedy on November 13, 2014, ahead of a debate over Nkandlagate. “Rambunctious opposition MPs disobeyed the speaker’s orders to sit down or leave the House, instead standing and yelling at her: ‘You must go!'”, Herald Live reported.

The filibustering questions included DA MP Annette Steyn’s one on “measuring the speed at which chickens run” at Nkandla, and “how cattle kraals can be used for security purposes at Nkandla” from DA MP Zelda Jongbloed. You see!

Saving the world requires everyone’s effort

Jacob Zuma Foundation is a fully fledged, registered not-for-profit organisation that is involved in endeavours in education, community development and also hosts Christmas parties for children and the elderly in Nkandla. Even if it was suggested it is broke. The Nelson Mandela Foundation and Thabo Mbeki Foundation cannot save the world alone.

Dudu Myeni remains the chairperson, and we are confident she will be able to raise the necessary funds.



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Eish! Jacob Zuma

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