Vhahangwele Nemakonde
Digital Journalist
2 minute read
13 May 2016
1:31 pm

How DJ Zinhle got over losing AKA

Vhahangwele Nemakonde

The DJ says she makes it a point to face any negative feelings head on and refuses to nurture pain, like many people do.

DJ Zinhle. Picture Instagram

DJ Zinhle, real name Ntombezinhle Jiyane, is now in a better emotional space after dealing with the pain of losing the father of her child, AKA, last year, she reveals in an interview with Arye Kellman on Cliff Central.

DJ Zinhle outed Bonang Matheba as the woman having an affair with AKA in 2015, allegations that Matheba and AKA denied, with Matheba eventually suing DJ Zinhle for defamation. Matheba’s lawyers had sent a letter to DJ Zinhle, instructing her to apologise to Matheba on her blog, an instruction she did not heed.

Since then, Matheba and AKA have been posting pictures of each other on social media and been spotted at a number of events together, with Matheba revealing in an interview with her former lover Slikour that she was happy in the relationship she was in.

This period of allegations and cheating scandals was the worst time of her life, DJ Zinhle reveals in the interview. She says she was in a dark space emotionally, which led her to get her first tattoo to numb the emotional pain she was feeling at the time with physical pain.

To get over the breakup, DJ Zinhle says she had to do it all by herself, making a conscious choice to move on and focus on her own happiness. “I always get DMs [direct message on Twitter] from people asking how I managed to forgive him, something they have been struggling to do, and I always ask what have you done to deal with your emotional pain?

“People always want to nurse and nurture pain. Pain is not a baby.”

DJ Zinhle says she made a decision to actively deal with her emotional pain by not reading or watching anything negative. She says if she does come across something on social media that triggers negative thoughts and feelings, she stops to ask herself why she feels that way and tries to deal with it.

She got over losing AKA through reading Oprah Winfrey and TD Jakes’ books, which gave her affirmation that she was good enough.

The interview was based on a post that DJ Zinhle shared on Twitter, saying no one should fall into the “trap” of being vengeful. DJ Zinhle believes the “revenge mentality” turns one into a “puppet” because they stop doing things to make themselves happy and focus on what would make the next person jealous.

“I think we have lost it. We need to start doing things because they make us happy, not for revenge. I’m at that space where I am happy and aware of my surroundings, I just don’t care anymore what anyone thinks. The ultimate goal is happiness.”