Pattacake Baker’s Man

There’s really nothing like a nice slice of toast and marmalade to finish off breakfast, don’t you think?

Yet when I think of the trauma one has to go through to get it these days, it hardly seems worthwhile.

“What’s this?” I asked the other morning, noting that the toast had only been toasted half way down the slice of bread.
The Missus naturally thought I was getting at her, “It’s toast, what did you think it was, a burnt offering?”

“No Lovey, it’s only done half way down that’s all.”

There was only one explanation that fitted the condition, either the electric toaster wasn`t tall enough to accommodate the slice of bread, or the bread was too tall for the toaster.

“Well, cut the bread to size,” I suggested, feeling that I’d cleverly outwitted her.

“And what do we do with the spare piece, toss it in the garbage?”

I thought for a moment, then came up with a fair solution.

“Bread and butter pudding?”

So the next time I was at the Supermarket, I checked the bread on display thoroughly. Most had been manufactured without a thought for the electric toaster, and further just about all were deformed in the most grotesque way.

Great folds of dough had been tucked out of the way, then hidden onto the underside. How the baker imagines we can slice that up for cucumber sandwiches beats me!

It was enough to give my old Granny the vapors. No electro-mechanical aids for her. With brute strength and a tot of elderberry wine, she was able to bake the finest bread in Berkshire during the thirties.

Needless to say, we must all move with the times. “What about a universal toaster Lovey, one that can handle any sized loaf?”

No problem for the Missus, “We’ve got one!” she said, giving me a wink and opening the oven door.

Now why didn’t I think of that?