Man’s best friend?

Have you noticed how some dog-owners begin to look like their beloved hound after a few years?

I don’t know what it is, but George, a family member on the Missus ‘side, has looked like his Golden Retriever for as long as I care to remember.

It’s not his wet nose and gingery coloured hair that does it, I know for a fact that if his wife snaps, “Fetch my slippers” he’s off like a long dog and wouldn’t dare return without them.

Now the reason why I mentioned George is because dog owners have that certain look about them. Really, you can read them like a book after a bit of practice. The Missus and I were discussing this very subject in a public place, when a guy in the corner started up an argument with his colleague.

He was quite belligerent, and was making himself very unpopular, when the Missus nudged my arm and asked “What kind of dog does he own.”
After wiping myself down, I hate spillage, I took another look and declared quite openly, “Rottweiler!”

Of course, I knew I was chancing a broken nose as soon as the Missus began to press me into asking the gentleman about his dog.
“Excuse me Sir,” I began, noticing a splendid tattoo’d swastika on his left forearm, “Do you by any chance own a Rottweiler?”

That’s when he drew himself up into a two meter giant of a man, and bared his teeth at me.

“Who wants to know?”

“I immediately shrank to a mere shadow of my normal self. “Er….my wife.”

Spinning around on his heel, he eyed the Missus and headed in her direction.

Believe it or not, he did own one of those German killer dogs, and was so proud of the animal, that we found ourselves absolutely obliged to go to his house and meet his pooch.

“He’s a bitch.” Our new found friend announced as the dog flew over the wall to greet us.

“I call her Eva.”

“Eva?” I queried.

“That’s right, she’s Braun all over, apart from the white fleck on her left ear.”

Fair enough, Fritz will have his little joke.

Much later that evening, Fritz gave us a demonstration regarding the absolute integrity of these Rottweiler type animals.

“One man dog,” he assured us. “If anyone tried to attack me, she`d be at their throat in seconds.”

“Even me?” Asked the Missus, a little tentatively.

“Would you like to give it a try?”

Now I must explain that the dog had taken a liking to the Missus, in fact, after the animal had slobbered all over her, she was even able to make the animal roll over and play dead!

We all wandered out into the garden for a friendly demonstration of the dog’s affections if you like.

Of course, that’s when it all went horribly wrong!

Umbrella raised, the Missus got stuck into Fritz in no uncertain terms.

Yes, you’re quite right, so did Eva! The brawling mass of arms and legs in the veggie patch really brought out the animal in that Rottweiler.

It all happened so fast.

“You bad…bad…dog.” scolded Fritz, waving the arm of his jacket, torn off by the loving kindness of man’s best friend.. “Go straight to your box!”

Apart from a nip in the rear, luckily there wasn’t much other damage done.

Pity, that, now when I see a man looking like a Pekinese, I just keep my mouth shut!