How not getting Math affected me – and still does

If Mathematics = sweaty palms + stress + being scolded + feeling stupid, what is the value of Y?

And why could I never master Math?

I learnt not to ask this question to Math fans. They just “get it” and don’t comprehend me just not getting it.

And the worst:

Trust me. It is not that simple.

My rocky relationship with Math started in Grade one and two. A 1+1=2 was something I could deal with, but I distinctly remember it boring me.

Boredom would soon be replaced with feeling like an idiot.

This happened in Grade three.

After memorising the division method, my marks stabilised. Through studying and working extra hard, I managed to do all right. It would not last forever.

No matter how hard I studied and how many rules of Math I memorised, I never arrived at the right answers.

The same went for Accounting. In Grade nine the first red circle appeared on my report card – My Accounting average was 27 per cent. Two years later, my Math mark would average 36 per cent. This was followed by a bright red 34.

Extra hours studying and extra classes would not help. Neither did handsful of herbal calmatives prior to Math tests. I would have the most horrible nightmares before exams.

At 17, I was escorted out of the Higher Grade classroom by a teacher that had enough.

Soon after that, I discovered that my dad was right all along. “Your ability to do Math will affect your future,” he stated. As I was deciding what to study after school, I had to cross out a host of degree programs. Mathematics in the Higher Grade was a prerequisite for medicine, science degrees and some B.Com courses.

(Oh: and I also sucked at science.)

Although I was interested in B.Com Marketing, I was scared to death of having to do any form of Math or Accounting and decided to rule out B.Com as a whole.

What was left? Law, teaching and a Bachelor’s degree. As an inherently greedy human being, I chose the career I thought would make me rich. I need not point out that I chose the law.

My fear of all things Math has not left me. I still dream about it.

In a recurring nightmare, I have passed all my degree subjects, but cannot graduate until I passed Grade 12 Math. I sit down, palms sweating, to write the exam. Yet I cannot answer one question.

Today, I am a journalist. Whenever I need to process statistics for a story, I get nervous. When dealing with numbers, I often make mistakes in my first drafts and end up rewriting reports countless times.

Similar to Math Fans, I also “just get” something. Language rules, grammar rules and spelling make sense to me. I don’t know why. It just does.

Yet unlike Math Fan, my talent is no passport to a degree guaranteeing riches.

I would have resented myself for not studying harder, yet I worked rediculously hard and still couldn’t do it.

If you are still in school, I suggest that you try your absolute best to nail the subject. Your future literally depends on it.

Yet if you fail, find solace in the fact that I get that.

Also read: DONDERDAG – Die blog.