Dear Tumi
It could have been anyone, but it was you.
It could have been anywhere, but it was on air.
Dear Tumi haters
It could have been you.
It could have been a silent comment in your mind or one published on social media.
Let’s face it: Many South Africans seem to have have no intention to reconcile. They never took to heart the values embodied by our late president, Nelson Mandela, such as:
- Choosing forgiveness rather than retribution.
- Choosing reconciliation despite horrible truths.
Then there are those of us who have aligned ourselves with these values. This was not only a decision of the heart, but of the mind too. As with all decisions, its implementation requires consistency.
As a result of apartheid, most of us aged 24 and older were – at least at some point – faced with attempted indoctrination from someone who discriminated based on differences – gender, race, sexual orientation, you name it.
Yet, it is now two decades after South Africa has become a democracy. Differentiating and judging should not be the norm anymore. Legally, the reasonable South African is considered to be someone who enforces basic human rights such as the right to equality.
Yet we habitually assume that we are being judged based on our skin colour, culture, sexual orientation, religion…
We have chips on our shoulders, waiting for it at every turn. So Koos van der Merwe doesn’t get the job. “It’s probably because I’m white,” he moans. So Vusi Nkosi buys a brand-new taxi and brands it with a quote: “A black man is always a suspect”.
A rude man and a rude woman tackle each other in Spur. “Is it because I’m black?” she asks. “No madam, it is because he is rude and bombastic. You could do with some etiquette yourself.”
Tumi Morake – a public figure – was bashed by listeners’ racist comments. Is it because she is black? No, it is because those listeners are insane.
Yes, I said it: insane.
According to author Eckard Tolle, insanity includes the constant desire to blur the present moment with memories of the past.
Any person, who takes the present moment and filters it through a pre-1994 mindset, has serious issues. The receiver of such a comment, who attaches any weight or value to it, is burdened too.
Tumi, you did not have to attach weight to the comments you received. Yet according to what I have been told, you chose to respond with a counter-attack.
This statement was attributed to you online:
“You (whites) broke down a people on skin colour before you build them up. You are now saying they must just share with everybody and be friends with everybody…” “It’s like a child whose bicycle was taken forcefully away from him and then you say to the bully, ‘no, no, no, share the bike together, don’t be like that’.”
The story of the bully, the victim and the bike you referred to was told by Father Mxolisi Mpambani during a Truth and Reconciliation discussion years ago.
A bully forcefully takes the victim’s bike. A year later, the bully seeks to reconcile. The victim is not interested – he wants his bike back.
Tumi, the reference would have been justified or, at least, understood by listeners, if made 20 years ago or placed in context historically.
Two decades ago and in a completely different reality, the story could have been our story.
But it is not.
South Africa is a constitutional democracy. We have equal rights. Way back when is not our current reality. Thank God.
What we need to do now, is to bring to life the country dreamed about 23 years ago. Unfortunately there are still people who are racist or rude.When faced with, for example, sexism, we should consider comments within this framework:
“We are equal, this is the new South Africa. Your comment comes from an outdated mindset and, therefore, I need not pay attention to it.”
Tumi, you complained about feeling that you have to “explain, apologise and excuse my pro-blackness, my PAN Africanness.” Suddenly, whites all around reacted by saying: “I hate having to excuse my whiteness!” People tend to assume that they are expected to apologise for their race, gender or views. Why?
You want us to talk about our differences and the wounds we still carry from the past. Yet some South Africans seem unable to do so without resentment and rage taking over. Why is this? Are we that associated with factors that make us different? Have we made our differences into some sort of identity that we cling to?
If these discussions end up extending past discrimination to the present, something needs to change. We should all think twice before making public statements that are likely to spark rage and division.
As Tolle puts it, “to recognise one’s own insanity is, of course, the arising of sanity, the beginning of healing and transcendence”. We need to recognise our habitual denial of the present and our dressing the present in old clothes. Only when we make this realisation can we begin to heal.
To everyone whose parents are white and drew advantage from apartheid. Yes, you can apologise on behalf of your ancestors. Deal with the emotions you may have. But do not harbor a chip on your shoulder, making an identity out of it.
Embrace today and, if you received any benefit, use it to empower those who have less than you do. Promote a brighter tomorrow.
Today is the day to support your neighbour. 
*This is the conclusion I came to after numerous conversations with members of younger generations while participating in Tsine Simunye, an anti-racism campaign . Our country and its people are healing.
