Trials of leaving for Europe

Just as international travellers are being welcomed back into South Africa – all eight of them, because I doubt they’ll be arriving in their droves – I’m leaving again, or that’s the plan.

Nonetheless, thank you very much, Cyril, and I’m sure the Tourist Board is happy, but there’s a problem: unless visitors plan on staying indefinitely, how will they handle going home?

Take me as an example: gotta go back to Ireland, yes, but also gotta get me a plague bell; gotta ring it for the next fortnight if anyone looks likely to come within two metres of me; gotta find me a barge pole and start shouting “unclean, unclean”.

But that’s tomorrow’s problem. First I must negotiate the return flight.

Today, as you read this, I’ll be packing. I have the negative results of my Covid-19 test and none of my rebooked flights have been cancelled – not yet anyway.

I’ve filled in the online forms demanded by the Irish government; I’ve printed out the paperwork as required. With luck, I’ll get through Amsterdam and onwards to Dublin without incident.

And then the fun really starts: then I must quarantine – or “self-isolate” – for two weeks, as per the rules for anyone coming into Europe from a non-green list country.

Surprise: South Africa isn’t on the green list. Mind you, neither is anywhere in Europe on the green list.

Places currently classed as corona-green are Greenland and a random chunk of Finland, where I’m guessing nobody actually lives.

Still, I’m hoping my pre-departure test means at least Himself and my son won’t feel the need to lock me in the bedroom with a chamber pot until the 14-day limit passes. Theoretically, the mandatory quarantine requirement could be waived if I could get another Covid-19 test on arrival, but the travel clinics won’t let you visit if you’ve been outside the country in the last two weeks.

So, sorry, Cyril, but none of this is conducive to a relaxing foreign holiday, not when going back home is a nightmare – even though the sun shines beckoningly in SA while Europe shivers; even though SA restaurants are open when European ones aren’t; even though it’s cheap; even though SA really is a world in one beautiful country…

And now I’ve forgotten why I’m even leaving.

Jennie Ridyard

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