Big B is the joke capital of the world

So, there I was on Saturday afternoon in the comedy capital of the world.

Not to be confused with Comedy Central. I was neither on television, nor watching television. No, I was in Brakpan.

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I don’t think there is a metropolis in the world that features in more jokes than the Big B. In fact, I am quite convinced that there are more Brakpan jokes than there are Van der Merwe jokes.

For people residing in the Big B, this is probably no laughing matter, but to outdo the Vans is an achievement worthy of inking in Guinness World Records.

Although the function I attended was a very serious occasion, I did not expect it to be so sombre. Sipping on my still water, I was already smiling when the master of ceremonies stepped up to the podium.

Perhaps my expectations were too high. In perfect political tradition, the master of ceremonies first introduced himself before welcoming all the guests in order of dictated protocol. I choked.

If I was the master of ceremonies at a function attended by 500 people in the Big B, my intro would have been: “Glad to see we have so many family members here today…” Brakpan joke.

Alternatively, a grand introduction would have been: “On a lighter note… no wait, I’m in Brakpan.”

Back to the function. Speaker after speaker avoided humour like they avoid the devil.

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This reminded me that if the devil can’t catch you, he’ll send a Brakpan chick after you. That’s low, even by my subterranean standards.

But I could have delved deeper and said “for every pot there is a lid, except in the Big B, because Tupperware lids are one size fits all”.

But seriously, I think, the people in Brakpan are no different to the rest of us. Yes, there are those who live in constant denial and tell you they’re really from Benoni.

And I think there are individuals – few and far between – who are actually not related, despite the tiny gene pool. Shoot me. Had to slip this one in.

At the end of the day though, after thinking about Brakpan for much longer than is healthy, I left with one massive lesson learnt: I shouldn’t believe everything I think.

I think…