‘She just wanted to be heard’: A mother’s heartbreaking loss

A grieving mother says her daughter fought suicidal thoughts for years, feeling unheard and alienated before her final attempt.


Hettie Barnard’s 30-year-old daughter Monique, both pictured, finally succeeded in committing suicide on 19 November – after 10 years of attempts.

She was a sensitive, kind soul who felt so alienated by the toxic environment on social media that she deleted all her accounts.

Barnard said Monique was involved with anti-animal cruelty projects at the age of 16 and did not like what happened on social media.

Daughter battled suicidal despair for a decade

It was totally different from her interactions with animals, which don’t judge you.

“She always said to me that she was willing to die for an animal.”

ALSO READ: Concerns raised about escalating suicides among young people in SA

Barnard said her daughter had tried to commit suicide many times.

“We were blessed to have her for 30 years. Every time I could get her to the hospital in time. But this time, she succeeded; she was determined.”

Barnard said the system failed her daughter because she couldn’t get help when she needed it most and the message denying her help resulted in her death.

Failed by the system

“It was a huge shock and I am still in denial; it’s like I’ve seen it coming for years but couldn’t do anything about it.”

Barnard said sometimes there are so many warning signs that you don’t take them seriously any more – until it happens.

ALSO READ: Centurion father and daughter’s tragic murder-suicide ‘should have been prevented’

“She kept saying she just wanted to be heard and she threatened to kill herself many times over the years. Some nights I set my alarm an hour-and-a-half apart so that I could get up and check if she’s still alive,” she said.

Barnard said she had stopped counting how many times her daughter had attempted to commit suicide.

“At some point, she was going to succeed.”

Read more on these topics

mental health mother suicide